Prior to the birth of our daughter in the Philippines, there were
not really many cultural differences in the way pregnancy was dealt
with. Once our baby was born, though, there were some clear differences
from my own previous experiences with two children in England.
A Separate Baby Room
As
soon as we got our baby home, then a major difference in baby culture
was obvious to all; Saffron had a crib already set up in a separate
room. The Philippines tradition is to have the newborn in the parents
bedroom, but often that can last for many years, and the parents of
three children, for example, can end up with three dependent children
sleeping in their room.
Once my wife had got used to the idea of a
separate bedroom, she was understanding of why I was adamant about it.
We wanted a strong and independent child, and undisturbed nights once
the night feeding had finished. Our decision to have a separate room
caused quite a stir, and one of our first visitors once the baby was
home quickly spread the news: "Saffron has her own room already." So,
what would be a non event in England was a point of shock, fascination
and even pity here in the Philippines.
As Saffron grew, though,
everyone soon started to appreciate her independence, will power and
character. She also benefited from 12 hours of sleep every night from a
very young age, undisturbed by parents, and came to love her room and
her crib.
At 18 months we had a birthday party for my wife, and
one of the guests was an army captain with three children, aged about 4
to 10 years. As he watched a very lively, confident and independent
Saffron, having a great time in the garden with the other children, he
told me it had always been his ambition to have his children in separate
rooms, but upon each birth, they had succumbed to the tradition, and
still had three children sleeping in their room every night. His clingy
youngest daughter was a complete contrast to our daughter, and he rued
the day they first gave in to the idea of having the first baby in their
own bedroom.
A Degree of Over Protection
It
is true that Filipinos make an enormous fuss of babies, and all girls
in particularly like to hold a baby and rock her to sleep. This can mean
that the poor baby, who may be desperate to get back to her crib to
sleep in a peaceful room, can be kept awake unnecessarily. That happens
to a degree in England, but here it must be overwhelming sometimes for
the baby; mothers are often glad to have the baby passed around
endlessly to be cared for.
Generally speaking, though, by
comparison to England, Filipinos can be a bit overprotective in some
ways. A good example was once Saffron started to want to lift her head.
As her neck became a bit stronger, I encouraged my wife, when holding
her, to allow Saffron to try and hold her head up, but always be ready
to support the neck.
The baby was old enough by then to hold her
head up comfortably for a couple of minutes, then suddenly it would drop
down. By allowing that, Saffron got plenty of neck muscle building
exercise with no risk. However, if someone else saw her head drop, they
would be horrified, rush over, and show my wife the way it "should" be
done; in other words do not allow the baby to move her head, but support
it firmly and hold it in place.
A few weeks' later, Saffron was
able to support her head with no problems and everyone was amazed at how
much she looked around the room observing objects and people. According
to my wife, Filipino children never reach that stage at that age, which
I would think is down to the extended over protection of the neck. A
baby does need support of the neck, once she starts to move her head,
but that need not go on so long it inhibits her progress. Careful
observation while she is trying to move her head, and readiness to
provide support once needed, should be sufficient to allow for safe
development of her neck muscles.
Differences in Discipline
Babies
are testing the boundaries of what they can and cannot do from earlier
than you may think. Early on, they cry when they need feeding or
changing, or if they are uncomfortable in any way. Parents and family
respond to that crying, and rightly so, to attend the baby's needs. It
is later on it becomes less straightforward.
As the months pass,
the baby becomes more aware of her surroundings, and she will learn how
to use crying for attention at times she wants attention rather than
needs it. That can be a difficult period for parents and others who may
have responsibility for the baby's care. You want the child to be happy,
and you want to care for her properly, but being too responsive on
every single occasion, as the baby becomes a young child, can lead to
discipline problems later on, as she uses crying to get her own way.
That crying soon becomes shouting and tantrums, and provides the first
real disciplinary tests for the parents.
The Filipino way tends to
always respond with love and affection, and attend to the demanding
child immediately, without giving a thought as to whether the baby has a
genuine reason for crying.
In some ways that is not such a
potential problem with a docile Filipino baby, as they tend not to be
strongly independent, assertive and demanding, while a half English
Filipino does have such tendencies. Had we allowed our baby to grab our
sympathy and surrender every time she cried, she would be totally out of
control by now, at the age of little more than two.
As a baby
becomes active, they need to be taught what they can do, where they can
go, and what they can touch, amongst many other things. We taught
Saffron as I would have done in England, simply by saying "no" to
something she should not go near or touch, and encouraging her to
explore those things she was allowed to.
Yet when my wife stopped
her touching something in a neighbour's house, the owner, a 75 year old
baby veteran, criticised her for saying "no" and was insistent she
should never do so. As a Filipina, my wife respects her elders, but
nonetheless, we persisted with our Anglicised discipline. As a result we
have a very bright, and happy child who has steadily learnt what she
can and should not do. Without that early discipline, gentle as it was, I
am sure she would be rampant by now.
Safety
Safety
for a baby and a young child is obviously something that is topmost in
most parents' minds. Given the love that Filipinos so openly show for
babies, I would have expected the safety of the baby would be a strong
driving force. Here we have something of a character conflict, for while
a Filipina may be concerned about supporting a baby's neck longer than
is necessary, when it comes to more extreme dangers they can be less
conscientious.
In an example close to home, I am insistent that,
since our two year old is very inquisitive, intelligent, and
adventurous, our front gate is always locked. We have a very busy road
outside, and a 2 year old getting outside that gate will almost surely
lead to great danger, and possibly death within a few seconds of getting
beyond the gate. Yet we have great difficulty in making regular
visitors understand; despite telling them many times that the gate has
to be locked after them, they still forget.
Such lack of concern
over the dangers of traffic is also reflected in the way children from a
young age can be transported. It is not unusual to see a newborn baby
being carried by a relative on the back of a motorcycle, or an older
child of tiny proportions riding pillion on a motorcycle and clinging on
to the driver. That is something you would never see in England.
There
are, as you would expect, many subtle and sometimes obvious differences
between the English and Filipino cultures in caring for a baby, and
those mentioned above are some of those that have been most obvious to
me as an English resident of the Philippines.
The overriding
impression, though, is of the outpouring of love for babies in the
Philippines. In England, you often here people complaining of babies and
children being a nuisance and inconvenience, but not so here. The most
important thing in baby care is love, and there is plenty of that here.
This baby care article was written by Roy Thomsitt, owner author of the Bouncing New Baby website
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/156155
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