Biting In The Toddler Years

Biting is very common among groups of young children, for all types of reasons. But whatever the reason for biting, most parents find it shocking and disturbing, and they want it to stop – quickly! Understanding why the young child bites is the first step in preventing biting as well as teaching the child alternatives to biting.

Most common reasons and solutions for biting

The Experimental Biter: It is not uncommon for an infant or toddler to explore their world, including people, by biting. Infants and toddlers place many items in their mouths to learn more about them. Teach the child that some things can be bitten, like toys and food, and some things cannot be bitten, like people and animals. Another example of the Experimental Biter is the toddler who wants to learn about cause and effect. This child is wondering, 'What will happen when I bite my friend or Mommy?' Provide this child with many other opportunities to learn about cause and effect, with toys and activities.

The Teething Biter: Infants and toddlers experience a lot of discomfort when they're teething. A natural response is to apply pressure to their gums by biting on things. It is not unusual for a teething child to bear down on a person's shoulder or breast to relieve some of their teething pain. Provide appropriate items for the child to teeth on, like frozen bagels, teething biscuits, or teething rings.

The Social Biter: Many times an infant or toddler bites when they are trying to interact with another child. These young children have not yet developed the social skills to indicate 'Hi, I want to play with you.' So sometimes they approach a friend with a bite to say hello. Watch young children very closely to assist them in positive interactions with their friends.

The Frustrated Biter: Young children are often confronted with situations that are frustrating, like when a friend takes their toy or when daddy is unable to respond to their needs as quickly as they would like. These toddlers lack the social and emotional skills to cope with their feelings in an acceptable way. They also lack the language skills to communicate their feelings. At these times, it is not unusual for a toddler to attempt to deal with the frustration by biting whoever is nearby. Notice when a child is struggling with frustration and be ready to intervene. It is also important to provide words for the child, to help him learn how to express his feelings, like "That's mine!" or "No! Don't push me!"

The Threatened Biter: When some young children feel a sense of danger they respond by biting as a self-defense. For some children biting is a way to try to gain a sense of control over their lives, especially when they are feeling overwhelmed by their environment or events in their lives. Provide the toddler with nurturing support, to help him understand that he and his possessions are safe.

The Imitative Biter: Imitation is one of the many ways young children learn. So it is not unusual for a child to observe a friend bite, then try it out for herself. Offer the child many examples of loving, kind behavior. Never bite a child to demonstrate how it feels to be bitten.

The Attention-Seeking Biter: Children love attention, especially from adults. When parents give lots of attention for negative behavior, such as biting, children learn that biting is a good way to get attention. Provide lots of positive attention for young children each day. It is also important to minimize the negative attention to behaviors such as biting.

The Power Biter: Toddlers have a strong need for independence and control. Very often the response children get from biting helps to satisfy this need. Provide many opportunities for the toddler to make simple choices throughout the day. This will help the toddler feel the sense of control they need. It is also important to reinforce all the toddler's attempts at positive social behavior each day.

As with almost all potentially harmful situations involving children, prevention is the key. Adults must be active observers of children to prevent biting. in those times when close supervision doesn't work, the adult must intervene as quickly and as calmly as possible.

When intervening before the potential bite has occurred…….

• Talk for the child by offering words like, "I see that you wanted that toy!"

• Demonstrate patience and understanding for the frustration the child is experiencing.

• Offer solutions like, "We have another red truck right over here. Let's go get it."

• Demonstrate alternate ways of interacting and say something like, "She likes it when you rub her arm." Try to stay focused on the positive behavior you want to see, without reminding the child of the negative behavior.

When your child bites……

• Comfort the child who was bitten.

• Cleanse the wound with mild soap and water. Provide an ice pack to reduce pain and swelling.

• Provide comfort for the wounded child by saying something like, "That really hurt! You don't like it when your friend bites your arm!"

• Calmly approach the child who bit. Many times these children feel overwhelmed and afraid after they bite. They need comfort, too.

• Comfort the child who bit by saying something like, "You seem sad that your friend's arm is hurt from the bite."

• Help the child who bit to understand the hurt their friend is feeling by offering to let her talk with her friend. Say something like, "Would you like to see Sally now? You can tell her that you hope she feels better soon." Older toddlers can learn a lot from being allowed to comfort their friend after a bite has occurred. The child who bit may want to see the injury. That's okay if the injured child wants to show it. But do not force either child to have this interaction, unless both are willing.

• Reinforce the rule that we don't hurt people. Help both children understand that your job is to keep everyone safe. Say, "I know you are angry. But I can't let you bite people."

• When the environment is calm again, remind the children what they can do to assert themselves, like say "No! That's mine!" or "Back away!" or if they are preverbal, teach them to 'growl like a tiger' to express themselves. The goal is to teach assertiveness and communication skills to both the child who bites and the child who gets bitten.

Never hit or bite a child who has bitten. That will teach the child that violence is OK.

Young children need lots of practice to learn the fine art of interacting with their friends in a positive way. They need positive guidance and support from parents. When children gain maturity and experience, and become preschoolers (3+ years old), they will likely have developed more appropriate ways of interacting.

Babies Need Their Mothers Beside Them

Throughout human history, breast-feeding mothers sleeping alongside their infants constituted a marvelously adaptive system in which both the mothers' and infants' sleep physiology and health were connected in beneficial ways. By sleeping next to its mother, the infant receives protection, warmth, emotional reassurance, and breast milk - in just the forms and quantities that nature intended.

This sleeping arrangement permits mothers (and fathers) to respond quickly to the infant if it cries, chokes, or needs its nasal passages cleared, its body cooled, warmed, caressed, rocked or held. This arrangement thus helps to regulate the infant's breathing, sleep state, arousal patterns, heart rates and body temperature. The mother's proximity also stimulates the infant to feed more frequently, thus receiving more antibodies to fight disease. The increased nipple contact also causes changes in the mother's hormone levels that help to prevent a new pregnancy before the infant is ready to be weaned. In this way, the infant regulates its mother's biology, too; increased breast-feeding blocks ovulation, which helps to ensure that pregnancies will not ordinarily occur until the mother's body is able to restore the fat and iron reserves needed for optimal maternal health.

It is a curious fact that in Western societies the practice of mothers, fathers and infants sleeping together came to be thought of as strange, unhealthy and dangerous. Western parents are taught that "co-sleeping" will make the infant too dependent on them, or risk accidental suffocation. Such views are not supported by human experience worldwide, however, where for perhaps millions of years, infants as a matter of course slept next to at least one caregiver, usually the mother, in order to survive. At some point in recent history, infant separateness with low parental contact during the night came to be advocated by child care specialists, while infant-parent interdependence with high parental contact came to be discouraged. In fact, the few psychological studies which are available suggest that children who have "co-slept" in a loving and safe environment become better adjusted adults than those who were encouraged to sleep without parental contact or reassurance.

The fear of suffocating infants has a long and complex cultural history. Since before the middle ages "overlying" or suffocating infants deliberately was common, particularly among the poor in crowded cities. This form of infanticide led local church authorities to make laws forbidding parents to let infants sleep next to them. The practice of giving infants alcohol or opiates to get them to sleep also became common; under such conditions, babies often did not wake up, and it was presumed that the mothers must have overlaid them. Also, in smoke-filled, under-ventilated rooms, infants can easily succumb to asphyxia. Unfortunately, health officials in some Western countries promote the message that sleep contact between the mother and infant increases the chances of the infant dying from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). But the research on which this message is based only indicates that bed-sharing can be dangerous when it occurs in the context of extreme poverty or when the mother is a smoker. Some researchers have attempted to export this message to other cultures. However, in Japan, for example, where co-sleeping is the norm, SIDS rates are among the lowest in the world, which suggests that this arrangement may actually help to prevent SIDS.

Human infants need constant attention and contact with other human beings because they are unable to look after themselves. Unlike other mammals, they cannot keep themselves warm, move about, or feed themselves until relatively late in life. It is their extreme neurological immaturity at birth and slow maturation that make the mother-infant relationship so important. The human infant's brain is only about 25% of its adult weight at birth, whereas most other mammals are born with 60-90% of their adult brain size. The young of most other mammals become independent of their parents within a year, whereas humans take 14 to 17 years to become fully developed physically, and usually longer than that to be fully independent.

Apart from being a natural characteristic of our species, constant proximity to the mother during infancy is also made necessary by the need to feed frequently. Human milk is composed of relatively low amounts of protein and fat, and high amounts of quickly absorbed and metabolized sugars. Therefore the infant's hunger cycle is short, as is the time spent in deep sleep. All of these factors seem to indicate that the custom of separating infants from their parents during sleep time is more the result of cultural history than of fundamental physiological or psychological needs. Sleep laboratory studies have shown that bed-sharing, instead of sleeping in separate rooms, almost doubled the number of breast-feeding episodes and tripled the total nightly duration of breast-feeding. Infants cried much less frequently when sleeping next to their mothers, and spent less time awake. We think that the more frequently infants are breast-fed, the less likely they are to die from cot death.

Our scientific studies of mother and infants sleeping together have shown how tightly bound together the physiological and social aspects of the mother-infant relationship really are. 

Other studies have shown that separation of the mother and infant has adverse consequences. Anthropological considerations also suggest that separation between the mother and infant should be minimal. Western societies must consider carefully how far and under what circumstances they want to push infants away from the loving and protective co-sleeping environment. Infants' nutritional, emotional and social needs as well as maternal responses to them have evolved in this environment for millennia.

by James J. McKenna

NURSING BABIES TO SLEEP

When I first had Levi I was taught not to “feed him to sleep”.

If I did that, I would create a baby who was dependent on me.

…Kind of a funny thought considering of course he was dependent on me. Um, he’s a baby.

Yes, there’s something to be said for teaching children to sleep independently.

There is a certain liberating feeling putting your baby down for a nap when they are awake and happy and then seeing them drift off to sleep happliy minutes later. (I used to love watching the process on the baby monitor with Levi after he learned to sleep on his own.)

But freaking out about creating a “dependency” in terms of holding or feeding your baby to sleep is kind of silly.

I’ve never heard of a 12 year old that still needs his mother to rock him to sleep. (Have you?)

So why all this fuss about “sleeping independently” anyway?

it will come.

Partly with our coaxing and teaching, partly as a developmental milestone like any other thing babies or children learn.

With my second baby I let him fall asleep in my arms all the time.

In fact, I encourage it.

He loves it and so do I.

Do you know that breastmilk actually induces sleep? (God’s clever like that… So why wouldn’t we want to go with it and take advantage of this amazing sleep elixir?)

These months race quickly. Quickly. Soon, I will be aching for one last chance to hold him in my arms.

So why wouldn’t I take advantage of the time I have now to let him fall asleep in teh most pleasant way possible for both of us?

I love it. And so does he.

STOP.

 Q for you: Getting babies to sleep can be tricky, I know that, and every parent needs to discover the best way to help their child to sleep in a way that honors the child and fits with the family values. I just happen to have a wide opinion on what fits within “right”… and it defininitely includes feeding and rocking my baby to sleep as much as he needs or I want (in addition to encouraging him to learn how to sleep by himself as he’s ready/able). When’s the last time you nursed/rocked a baby to sleep? Was it as beautiful and therapeutic for you as it no doubt was for baby?

By,

Adriel Booker

Moving from Crib to Bed

When your child moves from crib to bed it’s a milestone in his life as well as yours. There is no precise time for making this move, though typically it’s between the first and third birthday. The key to success is to be patient and allow your child time to adjust to the change.

Why move a child from crib to bed?

If a child sleeps well in his crib, don’t rush the change. Switching to a bed gives a child freedom and brings new issues for parents, such as the yo-yo syndrome or early morning wanderings. The most common reasons to switch:

• Your child learns how to climb. –  Move your child out of the crib when the rail is up to the level of his nipples, since climbing out is more possible.
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• Your child outgrows the crib. –  Don’t assume it’s time! You may think that he’s uncomfortable, but he may be content in his little nest.
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• Your child asks for a bed. – If she’s old enough, then go ahead and take the leap.
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• Your child is learning how to use the toilet.— Even if your child uses the toilet during the day, it’s often a long while before bedtime dryness happens.
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• A new sibling is on the way. – If your little one loves his crib, then ousting him to make room for the newcomer may add stress. If you feel that the time is right then make the change two months or more before your newborn arrives.
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What kind of bed should my child move to?

There are a number of options for a child’s first bed:

• Toddler bed – These are small, low and child-sized. They have guard rails on all sides, and come in playful designs.
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• Regular bed – A common choice is a mattress, box springs and bed frame (with all sides protected from fall-outs). Consider a double or bigger size to accommodate the night-reading ritual.
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• Mattress on the floor – A popular choice is a mattress or futon on the floor. This provides your little one with a big-kid bed, but one that prevents any painful falls.
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• Bunk bed – ?Hold off on a bunk bed until your child is 6 years old, when it is considered safe.
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How do we make the change?

Which approach is best for you will depend on your reasons for making the change, your child’s personality, and the size of his room. Here are a few options:

• Big-kid bed hoopla:  Some children enjoy having an official Big Kid Day party. Set up the bed, decorate the room and add a few sleep-related gifts like books and stuffed animals.
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• One-step-at-a-time:  Take the mattress out of the crib and place it on the floor in the place as the crib was. This gives your child the same sleeping surface and view of the room as he’s accustomed to. Place guard rails around the sides to create a crib-like enclosure. Keep the same bedding and crib toys. This is a mid-step between the crib and a real bed.
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• The gradual introduction:  Set up the new bed in the same room with the crib. Allow your child to play on the bed and nap there. Do your bedtime reading in the new bed. This will help your child get used to the bed gradually.
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Patience and encouragement

No matter which path you choose – be patient. Big steps toward growth often happen in spurts, and your child may be excited to welcome the change one day, but wary of it the next. Maintain your nightly bedtime routine and help your child develop a positive association with his new bed, since he’ll be sleeping there for many years to come.

By Elizabeth Pantley

Does My Toddler Have a Language Delay?

My 2½-year-old daughter seems to talk less than her sister did at this age. I know that kids develop language skills at different times, but I'm still concerned. What's "normal" for her age?
- Nina

As you mention, all children (yes, even siblings!) develop and refine their language skills at different times throughout their development, so the range of what's "normal" is broad. However, some guidelines can help parents decide if their child might be at the latter end of the spectrum.

A typical 2-year-old should:

• speak in two-word phrases, like "more juice" and "go bye-bye"
• follow two-step commands
• name simple objects
• have a vocabulary of 50 or more words
• be understood at least 50% of the time by a parent

Between 2 and 3 years, vocabulary continues to build and comprehension also increases. By 3 years of age, a child should:

• speak in three-word sentences
• have a vocabulary of 200 words or more (basically, more than you can count)
• be understood 75% of the time
• understand prepositions (such as, "put it on the table" or "put itunder the bed")
• use pronouns ("me," "you," "it")

If you feel that your child is not on track, talk to your doctor about your concerns.

 by: Amy Nelson, MA, CCC-SLP

7 BREASTFEEDING TIPS FOR MOMS-TO-BE

It’s tempting to get so wrapped up in planning and thinking about our labor and birth (and the nursery color scheme!) that we can easily forget that we actually have to care for our sweet littles once they’re out.

One of the biggest areas of concern for first-time-moms is breastfeeding. And it should be – it’s a huge deal both in terms of nourishment and comfort of the baby, as well as commitment and work for the new mother.

Unfortunately breastfeeding—as natural as it is—can also be difficult for some.

Every woman experiences it differently – some with very little problem, others with challenges they never even dreamed of.

Although there’s no way of knowing for certain how exactly your body and baby will respond, there are a few measures you can take to prepare yourself.

HERE ARE SEVEN SIMPLE WAYS TO HELP YOU GET READY FOR TAKING ON THE BREASTFEEDING LEARNING CURVE.

1) GET EDUCATED.

Attend a breastfeeding class, find some breastfeeding resources online, read an informative book, and/or ask to speak with a lactation consultant if possible. You can’t put a pricetag on good information and it will help empower you for the journey and task ahead! Learn about the benefits of breastfeeding, the mechanics of it, the stages of how your breasts and milk change and develop, as well as the common difficulties that women encounter (latch issues, engorgement, blocked ducts, mastitis, etc). The more you know, the more likely you are to perservere in the event that things get off to a rocky start. (One of the best comprehensive online resources I’ve found is www.kellymom.com)

2) GET TALKING.

As much as you’re able, try to share your desires to breastfeed as well as how it all works with your partner. Talk about your reasons/motivations, your goals and level of commitment, as well as how it all works. Also talk about some of the potential issues that commonly arise and the fact that the first several weeks can be tricky. (Assure him that it normally gets easier and more “normal” by about week six, if not sooner.) It will help him to feel a little more included as he looks on from the outside to this special part of parenthood reserved exclusively for mothers. If he feels informed and included he’s much more likely to support you (and understand why you are trying to stick with it in the event a problem arises). Ideally, get him to attend a breastfeeding information workshop with you.

3) GET FRIENDS.

Try to find two or three mom-friends who have sucessfully breastfed their babies that you can call on when you need to. Most likely you will have questions as you go and you’ll need real-time support in some form or another – whether it’s another woman to problem-solve with or just for a word of encouragement in a moment of difficulty. Experienced friends can be a lifesaver.

4) GET SOOTHIES.

Buy some soothies or other similar gel pads that can be refrigerated between uses. These simple pads help sooth sore nipples between feeds and are especially helpful during the first few weeks while your breasts are adjusting to all of the changes. (And your sweet little cherub/barracuda!) An experienced friend sent me some when I had my first baby and they were the best gift I didn’t know I needed!(Tip: if you can’t find gel pads in a store near you, or just don’t want to spend the money, you can also use frozen cabbage leaves to accomplish the same cooling sensation.)

5) GET SUPPLIES.

Have a box of breast pads on hand to absorb excess milk so you don’t get stuck with embarassing leaky boobs in public (or have to do any more laundry than you absolutely have to). You should also pick up a small tube of Lansinoh nipple cream (or another recommended brand) in case you get sore, cracked nipples. Be warned though – don’t go stockpiling these things because you may not end up needing them. (Leaking isn’t a given – I never did end up using more than a few breast pads. Of course that did mean a couple of my friends were very grateful for my unused donations!)

6) GET SUPPORT.

Literally. As in… nursing tanks or bras! I’m personally a big fan of nursing tank tops. They are so comfortable and easy to get started in since you don’t have to mess with both a bra and a shirt at once. (Invaluable for those first few weeks and the steep learning curve.) Use them on their own or use them under another shirt so that your belly isn’t exposed when you lift up your normal shirt (awkward!). I used nursing tanks around the clock when I started breastfeeding since they also provide a comfortable way to remain supported at night. Two years later  you can still catch me sporting these tanks. LOVE them!!

7) GET COVERED.

Many people aren’t comfortable with public breastfeeding. If this is you, buy or make a nursing cover. It will help you feel more private and confident to breastfeed in front of others if you have a simple cover-up that allows for privacy without getting in the way of you and baby. A nursing cover allows you to see your baby (and see as you adjust yourself), and the strap that goes around your neck leaves you hands free to hold and adjust as needed. I used my nursing cover all. the. time. during my first few months breastfeeding and have since bought them as baby shower gifts for nearly all of my pregnant friends. (Warning: there comes a time when most babies disdain these covers which limit their curious, growing minds and ability to look around while they feed! By then you should be much more comfortable with your own abilities and body anyway, so most likely it won’t be a drama.)

A Guide for First-Time Parents

You've survived 9 months of pregnancy. You've made it through the excitement of labor and delivery, and now you're ready to head home and begin life with your baby. Once home, though, you frantically realize you have no idea what you're doing!

These tips can help even the most nervous first-time parents feel confident about caring for a newborn in no time.

Getting Help After the Birth

Consider getting help during this time, which can be very hectic and overwhelming. While in the hospital, talk to the experts around you. Many hospitals have feeding specialists or lactation consultants who can help you get started nursing or bottle-feeding. In addition, nurses are a great resource to show you how to hold, burp, change, and care for your baby.

For in-home help, you might want to hire a baby nurse or a responsible neighborhood teenager to help you for a short time after the birth. Your doctor or the hospital can be good resources for finding information about in-home help, and might even be able to make a referral to home health agencies.

In addition, relatives and friends often want to help. Even if you disagree on certain things, don't dismiss their experience. But if you don't feel up to having guests or you have other concerns, don't feel guilty about placing restrictions on visitors.

Handling a Newborn

If you haven't spent a lot of time around newborns, their fragility may be intimidating. Here are a few basics to remember:

• Wash your hands (or use a hand sanitizer) before handling your baby. Newborns don't have a strong immune system yet, so they are susceptible to infection. Make sure that everyone who handles your baby has clean hands.

• Be careful to support your baby's head and neck. Cradle the head when carrying your baby and support the head when carrying the baby upright or when you lay your baby down.

• Be careful not to shake your newborn, whether in play or in frustration. Shaking that is vigorous can cause bleeding in the brain and even death. If you need to wake your infant, don't do it by shaking — instead, tickle your baby's feet or blow gently on a cheek.

• Make sure your baby is securely fastened into the carrier, stroller, or car seat. Limit any activity that could be too rough or bouncy.

• Remember that your newborn is not ready for rough play, such as being jiggled on the knee or thrown in the air.