5 Things Every Toddler Mom is Grateful For

Oh, toddlers. There's so much to love about the wonderful, complex little beings that are neither baby nor kid. There are the words beginning to come together into sentences, the slobbery kisses and hugs that turn into snuggles, and the way those little voices sound the first time they say “I love you” without being prompted. There's the sound of little feet stomping across the kitchen and the way they look at you, every minute or so, just to see what you're doing. Along with all the wonderful joys of toddlerhood though come all the dinners strewn across the floor, the red-faced shouts of “do-it-by-self!”, and the tantrums on the floor of the grocery store. As much as we know that these hard parts of toddlerhood are good, that they are discoveries of independence and testing of boundaries, they can also be really dang hard. As those hard parts arise, toddler moms find themselves particularly grateful for many of the modern conveniences of mom life.

Along with all the wonderful joys of toddlerhood, though, come all the dinners strewn across the floor, the red-faced shouts of “do-it-by-self!”, and the tantrums on the floor of the grocery store. As much as we know that these hard parts of toddlerhood are good — that they are discoveries of independence and testing of boundaries — they can also be really dang hard. As those hard parts arise, toddler moms find themselves particularly grateful for many of the modern conveniences of mom life.

Dry shampoo

Good old dry shampoo. I bet you thought that your long nights and showerless days would end as your newborn grew and transitioned to a baby and then to a toddler. Alas, the challenges of having a newborn are different than that of having a toddler, but you still might find yourself tired, un-showered, and in deep need of that can of dry shampoo your ever-so-kind sister gave you when you brought the baby home.

Grilled cheese, strawberries, and Cheerios

Remember when you were pregnant and spent hours researching how to make your own baby food?

Yeah …

By this point in parenthood, you've probably adjusted your expectations a few times, but it can still feel uber frustrating when you prep that fabulous spaghetti squash dinner for your toddler and it, again, ends up nowhere but the floor. At times like these, toddler moms are beyond grateful for their little one's “always” foods — for my kid, that's grilled cheese, strawberries, and Cheerios.

Grandparents who let Mama sleep in on the weekends

For toddler parents, there's nothing like a weekend at home with Mom and Dad. Home-cooked meals (cooked by someone else), a fire in the fireplace (made by someone else), and the RARE chance to sleep in while someone else watches your little one. Parents of any age are thankful for extra sleep, but toddler moms count their blessings, thank their lucky stars, and pull the covers up over their head when it actually happens.

Clifford the Big Red Dog

Or Curious George or Elmo or Pooh … Toddler moms are thankful for their little one's favorite character for the love, comfort, and giggles they give them. When everything is going wrong in a toddler life — the lunch isn't right, the nap is too late, the socks are just too scratchy — their favorite character, in book, lovey, or TV form, always offers comfort that toddler moms are beyond grateful for.

Hand-me-downs and kid thrift shops

Everyone told you they grow up fast, but what they didn't tell you was to never, ever buy clothes new. I learned this lesson when my 9-pound, 9-pound newborn never got the chance to wear a single item of the newborn layette I bought him. Toddler moms know that their kids grow way too quickly for new clothes and are thankful for all the hand-me-downs that come their way and the kid thrift shops they use to complete their kiddo's wardrobes.

Easy Potty Learning for Toddlers

The simple truth about toilet training is that if the child is ready, it happens very easily. If not, a power struggle often ensues -- and we all know that no one wins a parent-child power struggle. Fights with your child about his or her body are fights you will never win.

Luckily, there is a never a reason to fight with your child about this. Moving from diapers to being self-sufficiently able to use the toilet is a natural process. Humans have been doing it for a long time. They all get out of diapers sooner or later.

So you don't actually need to "toilet train" your child. Instead, set up conditions so your child can learn. Your goal is to make it as easy and effortless as possible. Think of this as a process of learning that unfolds over time, like all other learning and mastery.

Here's a step by step guide for child-led potty learning.

1. Begin by reading books about toileting with your child.

One great one is Toilet Learning by Alison Mack. Potty training dolls can also be very helpful. Most kids love them.

2. Remember that most of what kids learn is through our modeling.

Start talking about what you're doing in the bathroom. Let your child watch. Boys will benefit by watching other boys or their father use the toilet.

3. Kids love to copy other kids;

Slightly older cousins or friends who are willing to use the bathroom in front of your toddler can be invaluable in modeling. For boys, you might make a game of it by putting a small bulls-eye in the toilet for them to aim at.

4. I strongly recommend having a potty in each bathroom of the house.

That way, kids can practice sitting whenever they want, including while they keep you company in the bathroom.

5. Don't be in a hurry to start.

Just encourage your child to sit, fully clothed, on his potty. It builds muscle memory for your child to get on and off the potty, and you want her to feel comfortable sitting there. Make sitting on the toilet festive and fun, well before she even thinks about peeing in it. For instance, be sure there is a stash of books next to the potty. Sing silly songs or give special cheers each time she gets on and off the potty. But never force your child to sit on the potty, or to stay there.

6. After he's used to sitting on the potty clothed...

...ask him regularly if he wants to sit on it naked. Sometimes he will say yes, and sometimes No. Don't make a big deal of it. Your goal is just for him to get completely comfortable. Read potty books and other books to him while he sits there. Toddlers are busy. You have to make the potty a place they love being if you want them to spend enough time there to let anything come out.

7. Once she's totally used to sitting on her potty...

...begin dumping the contents of her diaper into the potty each time you change her diaper. Explain that every day her body is making poop and pee, and they belong in the potty. Tell her that whenever she is ready, she will begin peeing and pooping right in the potty. Admire it there, don't be in a hurry to dispose of it. After awhile, let her help you empty the potty into the toilet and be the one to flush it. Cheer happily each time and wave goodbye to the poop.

8. When he does pee or poop in the potty...

...be sure to celebrate with a special song and dance or parade through the house. But be sure you're celebrating other things, too, like his climb to the top of the play structure or the sun coming out. Don't make such a big a deal of his using the potty that the pressure on your child makes him anxious. He isn't confident yet of his abilities; don't make him feel like he has to repeat his use of the potty -- this should be his choice. Remember, your child should be in control of the process. No pressure.

9. Don't make the move into underwear until your child insists.

In fact, try to avoid mentioning underwear until your child brings it up. Let it be her idea, let her choose it herself, and don't rush it, or you're just asking for accidents.

10. Notice when she gives signs that she is about to defecate:

Becoming quiet, withdrawing to squat in private. Give her language for what's happening:

"Are you ready to poop? Do you want to do it in the bathroom?"

Humans naturally like privacy when they defecate, and it's fine if she wants to go off by herself. Remind her that the bathroom is a great place for poop, that you will help her take off her poopy diaper whenever she is ready. It may take her awhile to begin telling you, but she will begin to learn the concept that when she feels like this, it's time to go into to the bathroom. Eventually, she will probably be pooping in her diaper in the bathroom. Once that's a habit, you can ask if she wants to try sitting on the potty to poop, even with her diaper on.

11. Be open if she requests a toilet seat.

Many toddlers squat to poop and prefer a potty that allows them to assume a similar position. They prefer a potty because they are afraid of falling into the big toilet or are afraid of the flush. Some kids, however, will want to get a seat that goes right on the big toilet. If so, be sure her feet rest securely on a stool. Dangling legs tighten rectal muscles and make defecation difficult.

12. If you're buying a seat to go on the potty, find one they love.

Flip seats have a regular toilet seat plus a training seat. Some kids will love a seat that makes music when something is deposited in it. Just google potty training seats and you'll have lots of choices. I particularly like the ones at the end of this article, which my clients have used with great success.

13. Institute regular times when you both use the potty:

First thing in the morning, after breakfast, before snack, before and after lunch, etc. Your child doesn't have to go, just to sit with you while you go, and to try himself. Make clear that the rule applies to you, also, so your child doesn't feel singled out. This will help your child's body move onto a schedule, which will be a bit easier for him to manage. Of course, if he asks to go on his own schedule, cheer him on for listening to his own body. Usually, over time, he will ask more and more, gradually taking on the responsibility.

14. Every time your child actually uses the potty...

...celebrate with your potty song and dance or parade. But don't assume she's toilet trained until she's initiating. Toilet-trained is when she knows when she has to go and gets herself there.

15. Expect accidents.

Don't express any disappointment at "accidents," or you'll make the stakes too high and your child may rebel or give up. Instead, respond to accidents by shrugging, and saying with a warm smile:

"Oh well, accidents are how we learn. Soon you'll get it in the potty every time. Let's go in and try again."

16. Accidents are a step in the right direction...

...when your child learns from them without getting discouraged. If your child has herself noticed the accident as soon as it started, but hasn't made it to the bathroom, encourage her:

"You noticed as soon as you started to pee! Good for you! Let's go quick to the bathroom in case there's more to come out. Then we'll clean this up together. You noticed yourself when you needed the potty! Next time you'll probably notice sooner and get all the way to the bathroom!"

17. Be enthusiastic but never pushy.

Pushiness complicates toilet training. NEVER punish or disapprove of your child when he has an accident, or it will backfire.

18. If your child poops in her pullup or pants...

...help her to put the poop into the potty and admire it there.

"Look at that wonderful poop your body made! Poop belongs in the potty. Soon you'll remember every time."

19. Make it a habit.

At first your child will probably need help recognizing the signals that mean it's time to head to the bathroom. If you notice him getting antsy, or starting to squat behind the couch, you'll need to remind him. Every time your child does notice and tell you that he needs to use the bathroom, even if he doesn't make it in time, is an opportunity to admire his progress in the right direction.

20. What about pull-ups and Pods?

Many parents feel that pull-ups are too much like diapers and mask the feeling of the accident, but Pods are useful. Sometimes pull-ups are a good intermediate step but toilet learning can get stalled until you get into real underwear. There's certainly less clean-up with pull-ups than bare-bottomed, but they tend to drag out the whole process because they confuse the child. My recommendation would be to try bare-bottomed, but I should add the obvious caveat that this is not practical with a carpeted floor. If you can roll up your rugs for a month, that's often a good solution.

21. Troubleshoot.

Usually bowel training is easiest to control and happens first. If your child has mastered peeing in the toilet but not bowel training, he is probably afraid of the toilet and needs some reassurance. Or, he is used to the feeling of squatting and needs more support under his feet so he can push.

22. If your child is afraid to use the potty...

...help her with her fears. Any silly, playful games that get your child giggling about the potty will help her let her anxieties about the potty evaporate. 

23. Don't begin toilet learning under pressure.

Wait till you have some time when you can be relaxed and attentive to your child. Many preschools demand that children are toilet trained; that kind of pressure can only be bad for you and your child.

24. Watch for constipation.

Many children--especially those who don't eat as many vegetables or whole-grains, or who don't get as much exercise-- tend toward harder stools. That makes them more likely to put off pooping for as long as possible. This can happen even before a child is out of diapers but it is especially prevalent once a child is using the potty, because it requires him to stop what he's doing and go to the bathroom. The more the child gets in the habit of procrastinating, the harder the poo gets, and the more painful to pass, and the more the child avoids it. 

The problem with this is that even children who eliminate on a daily basis often build up fecal matter inside their bodies. This can deaden the usual sensitivity of the child to the need to use the toilet, so the child doesn't even know he needs to go. And since it pushes on the bladder, it can also cause pee accidents and even bed wetting. Unfortunately, most parents whose child is in this situation don't even know their child is constipated and don't understand why he's having accidents, until an xray reveals the extended rectum. (For more info on this issue, I recommend Dr. Steve Hodges' book It's No Accident: Breakthrough Solutions to Your Child's Wetting, Constipation, UTIs, and Other Potty Problems.)

25. Potty training is a partnership, and you're the junior partner.

You can set the stage, but your child has to do the work. I'll say it again: The MOST important secret for stress-free potty learning is that the child be ready. If you push your child, you may end up with serious issues, from a child with constant accidents to power struggles to a child with fecal retention. WAIT until he's ready. Does it really matter when that is? Sooner or later, everyone uses toilets.

Handled with good cheer and confidence that he will master it in good time, the process of toilet learning can be enormously empowering for your child. This is a big step for your son or daughter. Your job is to make it a positive one.

***

Q: Should I punish my child for accidents?

A: Adults have spent years using the toilet, so we forget how hard it is for a child. For a toddler who has spent their entire life in diapers thus far, noticing their urge to eliminate takes great attention and hard work. Consistently controlling that urge until they get to the potty is a major achievement. Some children are motivated to master this because they don't like the feeling of being wet or messy. Others are motivated by their urge for mastery or their desire to be like older children. The rest are motivated by their desire to emulate their parents, who they love and whose lead they want to follow.

Because all children master this developmental step sooner or later, we can think of this as "potty learning." Like all learning, the child needs to be ready to learn, and to proceed at their own pace, but parents can provide encouragement and conditions for success.

"Potty training" assumes that we need to "train" the child, like a dog, and substitutes rewards and punishments for the child's own natural desire for growth and achievement. While rewards can be effective to incentivize a child who is fearful about taking this big leap, punishment just increases the child's fear. Punishment actually makes it more difficult for the child to control his body because fear shuts down the learning centers of the brain.

What's more, punishment erodes the relationship with the parent and therefore eliminates the child's desire to follow the parent's lead, which is his main motivation to do the hard work of potty learning. When we punish a child who is not succeeding in learning to use the potty, he feels humiliated, ashamed, and like giving up. He already didn't know how to do this, and now he feels like a failure. He also feels wronged and angry. All of these tangled emotions make it more likely that the child will have more accidents. 

Punishing kids about toileting ALWAYS seems to result in more accidents. Most likely this is because the child stops seeing toileting as an opportunity for mastery -- which all kids want -- and starts seeing it as a source of stress. We know that stress causes children to regress, and punishment is a huge stressor. 

According to the American Association of Pediatricians, potty training is the time in a child's life when they are most vulnerable to abuse. That's because the punishment doesn't work; it actually makes it more difficult for the child to control the accidents. The parent gets more frustrated, and the punishment escalates. The situation spirals out of control, and tragedies are more likely.

In short, punishing your child for potty accidents will NOT hasten potty learning. In fact, it will lengthen the process, and it will damage your relationship with your child. Just don't do it.

Expert Tips to Get Kids to Eat Veggies – and How Much They Really Need

Transitioning your child from baby food to solid foods can be quite the task.

All parents want their kids to eat enough veggies and fruit but figuring out how much they need and how to get them to eat what they need can be challenge. Dr. Jack Maypole, adviser to The Goddard School and pediatrician for medically complex children at Boston Medical Center, offers some guidance on how much kids of all ages need to stay healthy:

• Toddlers should eat two to three servings of fruit and vegetable a day. A serving size for this age group is about a quarter to half what the grown-ups at the table are served.
• Preschoolers should be offered about a quarter to half a cup of canned or fresh fruits and the number of tablespoons of vegetables for every year of their age daily.
• All children should be served protein two to three times a day and carbohydrates up to six times a day (think snacks!).

Now that you know how many servings of healthy foods your little one needs, how can you get her to eat what you offer? While some families have toddlers who will happily eat whatever is offered, many parents find that around 12-15 months old their children tend to become picky or even avoid healthy foods they previously loved when they start to become more aware of taste and texture. As a mother of four, I know it's not always quite that easy!

If you have a picky eater at home Dr. Maypole has some tips to help.

 Tip #1

Offer one new food with two familiar foods

If you know your daughter likes pasta, serve that as usual and add a portion of a new vegetable to her plate. If she's got one food available to her that she really likes, she won't be so averse to the vegetables.

Tip #2

Establish a rule that children have to try at least one bite of a new vegetable

Just as the saying goes, “You can't knock it unless you try it,” meaning, you have no basis on the taste of a food if you've never tried it. Research shows that most children will take to a food after about 15 tastings (for some super picky or rigid eaters, such as those on the autism spectrum, for example, it may be many, many more times).

Tip #3

Turn the food into something that kids don't associate with “gross” — like V8 or Naked Juice

My kids love to drink their veggies (maybe because they don't realize what they are drinking is good for them). Sometimes I make smoothies with spinach and carrots, but we also drink a lot of drinks like Naked Juice. My kids love then and they have fun names like Green Machine and Kale Blazer.

 Tip #4

The taste may lie in the presentation

Keep mealtimes positive by involving kids in food prep and getting enthusiastic in the craft and presentation of food. This may cultivate interest and curiosity in the food, which can lead to the development of a more adventurous palate.

Besides the look of the food, kids love colorful, fun plates! Mine love Skip Hop's owl-themed mealtime set. Many other animal themes are available in case your child prefers dogs or butteries.

Tip #5

Never force feed or go to war about making your child eat

Forcing your child to eat food that they don't want to eat is typically a losing battle for all involved, but finding a way to negotiate in some way may not be a bad solution.

If it's easy for Mom and Dad to make veggies, they will offer them to the kids more often! The Baby Brezza Glass One Step Baby Food Maker is great for making small portions for introducing veggies to babies in a way that looks similar to the baby food they had been previously eating. It also works well for toddlers, preschoolers, and even my big kid when I want to prepare a small amount of a new food for my kids to try. It's kid sized, so it's easy for older children to use.

Managing Your Toddler: TANTRUMS!

Tantrums are normal for toddlers, even legendary. Toddlers feel so passionately about everything, and they simply don't have enough frontal cortex capacity yet to control themselves when they're upset.

That said, you'll be glad to know that many tantrums are avoidable. Since many tantrums are an result of feeling powerless, toddlers who feel they have some control over their lives have many fewer tantrums. And since toddlers who are tired and hungry don't have the inner resources to handle frustration, managing your toddler's life so he isn't asked to cope when he's hungry or tired will reduce tantrums. An ounce of prevention really is worth a pound of cure.

Here's how to tame those toddler tantrums:

1. Since most tantrums happen when kids are hungry or tired, think ahead.

Preemptive feeding and napping, firm bedtimes, enforced rests, cozy times, peaceful quiet time without media stimulation -- whatever it takes -- prevent most tantrums, and reground kids who are getting whiny. Learn to just say no -- to yourself! Don't squeeze in that last errand. Don't drag a hungry or tired kid to the store. Make do or do it tomorrow.


“I guess we can’t do a big shop today. We’ll just get the milk and bread and go home. And here’s a cheese stick to eat while we wait in line.”

2. Make sure your child has a full reservoir of your love and attention.

Kids who feel needy are more likely to tantrum. If you've been separated all day, make sure you reconnect before you try to shop for dinner.

3. Try to handle tantrums so they don’t escalate.

It's amazing how acknowledging your child's anger can stop a brewing tantrum in its tracks. Before you set a limit, acknowledge what he wants.


"You wish you could have more juice, you love that juice, right?"

(Look, he's already nodding yes!) Then set the limit:

"You need to eat some eggs, too. We'll have more juice later."

(As you move his cup out of sight.) If he responds with anger, acknowledge it:

"That makes you so mad. You really want the juice."

Keep the number of words you use pared down:

"You are so mad!"
"No hitting."

4.  Sidestep power struggles.

You don't have to prove you're right. Your child is trying to assert that he is a real person, with some real power in the world. That's totally appropriate. Let him say no whenever you can do so without compromise to safety, health, or other peoples' rights.

5. When your child gets angry, remember that all anger is a defense against more uncomfortable feelings -- vulnerability, fear, hurt, grief.

If you can get him to go back to those underlying feelings, his anger will dissipate.

"You wish we could stay at the playground....You're sad and mad that we have to go."

6. Create Safety.

Usually at this point your child will cry. If he'll let you hold him, do so. If he won't, stay close, even if he won't let you touch him. He needs to know you're there, and still love him. Be calm and reassuring. Don’t try to reason with him. Your goal is just to create safety, so he can let all those feelings come up. Once he gets a chance to show you his sad feelings, he'll feel, and act, a lot better.

Think about what you feel like when you’re swept with exhaustion, rage and hopelessness. If you do lose it, you want someone else there holding things together, reassuring you and helping you get yourself under control -- but only after you've had a good cry.

After the tantrum:

First, take some “cozy time” together to reconnect and reassure. (No, you're not "rewarding" the tantrum. She needed this connection with you or she wouldn't have had the tantrum to begin with! And of course, make sure that your child gets enough “cozy time” with you that she doesn’t have to tantrum to get it.)

Second, tell the story of what happened, so that your child can understand and reflect, which builds the pre-frontal cortex:


"You were having such a good time playing at the playground...you didn't want to go home. When I said it was time to go, you were sad and mad...You yelled NO and hit me...I said No Hitting! and you cried and cried....I stayed right here and when you were ready we had a big, big hug....Now you feel better."

Biting In The Toddler Years

Biting is very common among groups of young children, for all types of reasons. But whatever the reason for biting, most parents find it shocking and disturbing, and they want it to stop – quickly! Understanding why the young child bites is the first step in preventing biting as well as teaching the child alternatives to biting.

Most common reasons and solutions for biting

The Experimental Biter: It is not uncommon for an infant or toddler to explore their world, including people, by biting. Infants and toddlers place many items in their mouths to learn more about them. Teach the child that some things can be bitten, like toys and food, and some things cannot be bitten, like people and animals. Another example of the Experimental Biter is the toddler who wants to learn about cause and effect. This child is wondering, 'What will happen when I bite my friend or Mommy?' Provide this child with many other opportunities to learn about cause and effect, with toys and activities.

The Teething Biter: Infants and toddlers experience a lot of discomfort when they're teething. A natural response is to apply pressure to their gums by biting on things. It is not unusual for a teething child to bear down on a person's shoulder or breast to relieve some of their teething pain. Provide appropriate items for the child to teeth on, like frozen bagels, teething biscuits, or teething rings.

The Social Biter: Many times an infant or toddler bites when they are trying to interact with another child. These young children have not yet developed the social skills to indicate 'Hi, I want to play with you.' So sometimes they approach a friend with a bite to say hello. Watch young children very closely to assist them in positive interactions with their friends.

The Frustrated Biter: Young children are often confronted with situations that are frustrating, like when a friend takes their toy or when daddy is unable to respond to their needs as quickly as they would like. These toddlers lack the social and emotional skills to cope with their feelings in an acceptable way. They also lack the language skills to communicate their feelings. At these times, it is not unusual for a toddler to attempt to deal with the frustration by biting whoever is nearby. Notice when a child is struggling with frustration and be ready to intervene. It is also important to provide words for the child, to help him learn how to express his feelings, like "That's mine!" or "No! Don't push me!"

The Threatened Biter: When some young children feel a sense of danger they respond by biting as a self-defense. For some children biting is a way to try to gain a sense of control over their lives, especially when they are feeling overwhelmed by their environment or events in their lives. Provide the toddler with nurturing support, to help him understand that he and his possessions are safe.

The Imitative Biter: Imitation is one of the many ways young children learn. So it is not unusual for a child to observe a friend bite, then try it out for herself. Offer the child many examples of loving, kind behavior. Never bite a child to demonstrate how it feels to be bitten.

The Attention-Seeking Biter: Children love attention, especially from adults. When parents give lots of attention for negative behavior, such as biting, children learn that biting is a good way to get attention. Provide lots of positive attention for young children each day. It is also important to minimize the negative attention to behaviors such as biting.

The Power Biter: Toddlers have a strong need for independence and control. Very often the response children get from biting helps to satisfy this need. Provide many opportunities for the toddler to make simple choices throughout the day. This will help the toddler feel the sense of control they need. It is also important to reinforce all the toddler's attempts at positive social behavior each day.

As with almost all potentially harmful situations involving children, prevention is the key. Adults must be active observers of children to prevent biting. in those times when close supervision doesn't work, the adult must intervene as quickly and as calmly as possible.

When intervening before the potential bite has occurred…….

• Talk for the child by offering words like, "I see that you wanted that toy!"

• Demonstrate patience and understanding for the frustration the child is experiencing.

• Offer solutions like, "We have another red truck right over here. Let's go get it."

• Demonstrate alternate ways of interacting and say something like, "She likes it when you rub her arm." Try to stay focused on the positive behavior you want to see, without reminding the child of the negative behavior.

When your child bites……

• Comfort the child who was bitten.

• Cleanse the wound with mild soap and water. Provide an ice pack to reduce pain and swelling.

• Provide comfort for the wounded child by saying something like, "That really hurt! You don't like it when your friend bites your arm!"

• Calmly approach the child who bit. Many times these children feel overwhelmed and afraid after they bite. They need comfort, too.

• Comfort the child who bit by saying something like, "You seem sad that your friend's arm is hurt from the bite."

• Help the child who bit to understand the hurt their friend is feeling by offering to let her talk with her friend. Say something like, "Would you like to see Sally now? You can tell her that you hope she feels better soon." Older toddlers can learn a lot from being allowed to comfort their friend after a bite has occurred. The child who bit may want to see the injury. That's okay if the injured child wants to show it. But do not force either child to have this interaction, unless both are willing.

• Reinforce the rule that we don't hurt people. Help both children understand that your job is to keep everyone safe. Say, "I know you are angry. But I can't let you bite people."

• When the environment is calm again, remind the children what they can do to assert themselves, like say "No! That's mine!" or "Back away!" or if they are preverbal, teach them to 'growl like a tiger' to express themselves. The goal is to teach assertiveness and communication skills to both the child who bites and the child who gets bitten.

Never hit or bite a child who has bitten. That will teach the child that violence is OK.

Young children need lots of practice to learn the fine art of interacting with their friends in a positive way. They need positive guidance and support from parents. When children gain maturity and experience, and become preschoolers (3+ years old), they will likely have developed more appropriate ways of interacting.

Yoga for Toddleers and preschoolers

Yoga is SO important for toddlers and preschoolers. Most people know yoga is great for relaxation and emotional regulation, but they might not know that it is also crucial for brain growth. That’s right: Yoga will help your child learn to speak, read and write.

Brain cells, neurons, do not form neural pathways until exposed to environmental stimuli that our senses transmit to our brains. Each experience – listening to a story, smelling a rose, eating a piece of candy – stimulates brain cells to send out dendrites to join up other with brain cells to create neural networks (bridges, pathways, whatever you want to call them) through which information can be exchanged.

I could talk about neuroscience for days, it’s one of my favorite things to study, but suffice it to say for now that the more your child experiences, the more neural pathways there will be in her brain, and they will be strengthened and reinforced through continual stimulation and the greater the capacity for knowledge acquisition and retention. For the rest of their lives.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that children need more positive than negative experiences. Positive experiences grow neural bridges while negative ones can delete, shrink or warp them.

The last 10 years of neuroscience research has shown us that the brain is plastic, meaning anyone can change and grow their brain at anytime. But, oh, those early years. You will never see such growth and plasticity as you do in the first seven years of life, and particularly years 0-3.

So how does yoga come into play by building the brain and making your kid smarter?  In two ways.

The first is the traditional way in which most people understand about yoga. Yoga turns on the parasympathetic nervous system. A quick way to remember what the parasympathetic system does is to remember two words: rest and digest. It’s what helps you digest your food, go to sleep, helps make you calm, rational choices and actions, and allows your pre-frontal cortex (our “new” brain) to be in charge. Little kids act like caveman maniacs and teenagers make such poor rational choices because their prefrontal cortex is still forming until age 25! Add stress into the mix, and boom! All calm, rational thought goes right out the window.

The sympathetic nervous system is your old brain – fight, flight or freeze. This is the part of your brain that is concerned with survival: Eat, mate, survive and repeat. That’s all it cares about. Any time you are stressed, your body is operating from that caveman brain and your whole body system is only concerned with the thought,Who or what is trying to kill me and should I fight it, run from it or play dead to hope for the best? When you operate in survival mode, your neurons are not making connections and neural pathways because your brain is too busy trying to keep you alive.

Not only do young children have underdeveloped pre-frontal cortexes, they get stressed just like adults.They need security and routine and loving care, and need to be taught how to relax and regulate their emotions so they can be happier and more peaceful. When they can give their brains time and space to learn and grow,they can reach their full potential.

Second, yoga is at its simplest, is movement linked to breath. Movement taps into the sensory-motor system and the brain makes connections. If there is one thing I have learned from Penelope’s Sensory Processing Disorder, it’s that the mind-body connection is real. If you are talking to a child, trying to teach them manners or their ABCs and there is no movement going along with the learning or very soon after, there is a good chance nothing will be retained.  You can yap yap yap all day long and it’s like Charlie Brown’s teacher, the wha wha wha wha trombone sound will be all the kid hears. Children’s brains are not going to make connections that allow them to remember what they’ve learned unless there is movement happening as well. That’s why playground time is SO important.

In a perfect world, we would teach then move, teach then move, teach then move. Teach them math then it’s time for PE. Language Arts then playground. Science lecture then….yoga! In a perfect world, right?

Mind then body. Mind then body. Mind then body.

All day long.

The other HUGE benefit of yoga with toddlers and preschoolers is that it builds their self esteem. Yoga is art. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be absolutely perfect. It may be the only physical activity they try that they get it “right” because no matter what their body does, no matter what their gross motor skills are, no matter what their body awareness levels are, the child gets the authentic internal praise”I did it!!!!” and external praise from a loved one who witnesses and says, “I see you! You did it!!!”

And lastly, it is amazing for bonding. A good relationship with a child, above all else should be the priority, of every parent and teacher. I am not a fan parents and teachers allowing permissiveness, or even extreme attachment parenting, in an attempt to not hurt a relationship, but I am a fan of building a solid, tight and deeply connected relationship BEFORE  firm and fair discipline and hard lines are drawn. And yoga is a great way to do that. Lots of praise, lots of quality attention, lots of eye contact, and lots of loving touch are all the ingredients for a deep and loving connection with a child.

 Author,

 Stephanie