Toddlers and Toilets: Are They Ready?

With kids, it seems there is always a new adventure on the horizon. If you have a toddler, you may be starting to think about when and how your child will learn to use the toilet (bye, bye diapers!).

In the “old days” (meaning, when you were a child!), this was often referred to as “toilet training.” This meant that an adult “trained” the child to use the toilet.

Today, the new buzz word is “toilet learning.”

Learning, meaning the child takes an active role in the process.

In parenthood, there are “windows of opportunity.” Parents know their children best and can most easily recognize when their child is interested and ready for a new discovery. There is no magic age for children to begin using the toilet, although most children begin to show an interest between the ages of 24 and 36 months.

A few signs that your child is ready to begin “toilet learning” include:

• You may notice that your child is interested in the potty. They may want to put paper into it or flush it.
• Your child may ask to sit on the toilet, with a diaper on or off.
• Your child may bring you a diaper and tell you they are wet or have had a bowel movement.

If you believe your child may be ready to explore the use of the toilet, consider the following:

• Purchase some toddler underwear (in addition to the cartoon underwear, look for thicker, cotton underwear that are more absorbent) and provide them time to wear them. Times may include a morning at home or quiet evening versus when you are traveling or running errands. Today’s diapers are so absorbent that a child may not even feel that they are wet.
• Use a child-friendly/child-sized potty. Imagine that the toilet you used was more than half as tall as you. You may be overwhelmed or frightened by the thought of sitting on such a thing. Provide the choice for your child. Don’t be surprised if your child decides to try out both.
• Make toileting positive. This may be a great time for reading books and singing songs. Toileting should not become a power struggle. If it does, chances are you will lose and may experience a setback.
• Successful toileting is great feedback for a child. There is no additional need for a reward (i.e. M&M’s). On the flip side, when a child has an accident, there is no value in punishment.
• Be patient. Sometimes, it is difficult to not get caught in the conversation of what a friend or family member’s child is doing (or not doing). Children develop individually. Toilet learning will occur when your child is ready. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician.

19 Ways To Keep Your Baby or Toddler Happy During Diaper Changes

   " Dr. Laura,
    My 11 month old is really happy he's learned to sit up, explore everything in hands reach and roll during diaper changes. He gets so distraught during diaper changes when I prevent him from using these new skills. If I flip him back onto his back after he's rolled onto his tummy giggling or if I keep him from practicing his sit-up skills he turns from happy giggles to sobs and tears. And it is clear that he thinks I am being mean by not allowing him this sweet play exploration that prevents me changing his diaper... he tells me he's so frustrated in his sobs and yells of "momma". I've tried many different things to distract him or keep his attention... toys, dancing, singing, talking, music... all to no avail. He wants to sit-up, roll over and play with whatever diaper accessory I've brought his way. I hate that he hates diaper changes and have no idea what to do. The changes are now trigger of anxiety for him. I can totally understand his upset during certain changing times such as middle of the night wet diapers while he's hungry and sleepy. But what can I do during other times when he's clearly distressed that my changing his diaper is preventing him from newfound skills and exploring?"

MOST little ones go through stages of hating diaper changes. Unless you have the rare child who is uncomfortable in wet diapers, then he has no incentive to have a diaper change. Your son is old enough to want to be more in charge of his body and his time. He doesn't want an adult to swoop in and pick him up and disrobe him when he's busy with something.

Sometimes, simply slowing down and connecting changes everything. Sometimes, giving the child control is the key to avoiding a power struggle. Often, not interrupting their play solves the problem by meeting their needs as well as yours. And sometimes you will probably find yourself resorting to distraction. So here's a list of ideas to try, most of which will work sometimes, or for awhile. You may find some good combinations that work for you. I suggest printing this list and adding to it as you come up with more solutions that work for you and your child.

1. Connect with him.

Children are always more likely to cooperate with us if we connect first. Take a deep breath. Get on your child's level and connect. Comment on what he's doing. Then, point out that his diaper is wet. Ask if he has noticed it. This gives him an opportunity to check in with his body. (This is a good foundation block for eventual potty learning.) He also feels, since you've connected, like you're on his side. You aren't just pushing him around, which of course would make him feel resistant.

2. Be more mindful.

Cassandra Vieten suggests that our ability to stay calm and connected during a diaper change models for our children how they can stay grounded in the face of their own discomfort. She stresses bringing compassionate, open-hearted full presence to the diaper change, rather than just rushing through it. In fact, she calls this the "Mindful Diaper Change Practice." (And you thought you didn't have time for mindfulness practices anymore!)

3. Give him some respect.

Magda Gerber, founder of RIE, taught that even though babies can't understand our words, they feel the difference when they're treated with respect. So from the time they're infants, instead of just scooping them up, move slowly and explain what's happening. Receptive language is about a year ahead of expressive language, so your son already understands much more than you think. And even tiny babies understand your tone of voice. If you do this from the time your baby is born, they have better associations with diaper changes and don't build up such resistance.

4. Give him some control and choice.

Always ask "Ready for a diaper change?" If he says no, say, "Your diaper is wet. Do you want to change it now or in three minutes? 3 minutes? Ok, let's shake on it!"

5. Depersonalize it.

If this feels like a power struggle, depersonalize it by setting the alarm for three minutes. Tell him,

         "When the alarm rings, it is three minutes and time for your diaper change, ok?"

When the alarm rings, say "Oh, listen, there's the alarm, it's been three minutes -- Time for that diaper change!" Then help him transition using one of the other ideas on this list.

6. Help him transition

...by taking an object he's involved with and carrying it with you. For instance, "Let's drive the truck to the changing table!"

7. Don't make him move.

If you can, use a portable changing pad and change him where he is playing, so there is less interruption to whatever's he's working on.

8. Don't interrupt his play.

Play is your baby's work. Naturally, he doesn't want to be interrupted. Why not change his diapers standing up, if they're just wet? This will minimize the times that is necessary to ask him to lie down, so he is more likely to cooperate when absolutely necessary for messy changes. Since he may not be fully stable yet, pick a toy he likes and put it on the couch, and stand him against the couch. (I know it's harder than lying down, but if you practice, you get good at it. I did this with my daughter beginning at 11 months, until she was out of diapers.)

9. Invite him to a party.

Most kids can't resist a party. Grab the drum, have a conga line, sing and dance your way to the bedroom: "Gonna change that diaper right off of your tush!" or "Happiness is a clean diaper" or whatever song gets him moving.

10. Let him do the walking.

Many kids object to being carried off to be changed, but if you're making it into a party and he's dancing along into his room next to you in celebration, he's actively taking part in the plan, not feeling pushed around.
11. Ease into it by first diapering his doll or teddy.

Let him help. Shower admiration on Teddy for how quickly he does his diaper change. Then say, "Your turn! Are you quick too?"

12. Ask for his help.

Team up with your child to get the job done. For instance, maybe he would like to take off his own diaper? Kids love mastering new skills. Tell him what you are doing at each step and involve him, for instance,

         "I'm going to wipe you off now -- do you want to hold the wipes?"

Ask him to put his feet flat and lift up his bottom so you can slide the diaper under him, if he doesn't want to, say
 

 "Ok, I'm going to lift your bottom now to put the diaper under you."

13. Slow down.

If you treat this as a chance to connect and enjoy your child, he is more likely to stay cooperative. If you rush through the diaper change like it's something unpleasant, he will react as if he is being held down and subjected to something unpleasant.

14. Empathize:

"Does that feel cold on your bottom?" When your child gets upset, try not to get reactive. Instead, soften and stay compassionate. That way he'll know it isn't actually an emergency, and you understand and are looking out for his best interests.

15. Make it something to look forward to.

When you absolutely have to ask him to lie down for a change, for instance when there's a messy diaper, have a basket of toys ready that he only has access to while you're changing his diaper. You might even go hog-wild and find very small presents that you actually wrap in newspaper, and put in the basket. Every diaper change, he chooses one. What kinds of presents? Stuff you have around the house, or would have bought him anyway: Plastic measuring spoons or a funnel, small board books, little figures, a block with a letter A on it, a roll of masking tape, a broken cell phone, a plastic cup, Chapstick, colorful trinkets from Ikea, clay or playdoh with a plastic garlic press so he can make "noodles," a puppet, a tiny flashlight, little wind-up toys, stickers, an unbreakable mirror, you get the idea. You can even re-wrap things that he's left lying around and has forgotten about.

16. Get him laughing.

Laughter reduces stress hormones and increases bonding hormones. So getting your child laughing for ten minutes is always a good strategy when you know you'll need cooperation. Before you start the diaper change, start roughhousing in a way that makes your child squeal with laughter. Chase him around the house, be completely silly. After ten minutes, make the diaper change part of the fun.

17. Provide live entertainment.

If he's fussing, try singing to him very softly. He will usually stop fussing to listen to you. Sing, dance, kiss his belly, blow down his neck, make as many silly faces and noises as you can. Somewhere in there, get the diaper changed as unobtrusively as possible.

18. Keep a cd that has an interesting story on it ready to turn on while you change him.

He might even come to look forward to the next installment.

19. Let him decorate.

Keep a stash of stickers by the changing table. Every diaper change, let him choose one that he is allowed to put on the wall next to the table.

No one approach will always work, so you'll have to mix and match and be willing to try different things. But keep your sense of humor, and remember that this too shall pass. It will seem like the blink of an eye before you find yourself trying to get your six year old to take his bath!

Author,

Dr. Laura

The Truths About Breastfeeding after One Year

My son is 2 1/2 and still breastfeeding. There are days when I'm utterly exhausted and ready for him to wean. Then there are other moments when I know I am doing the right thing. He is likely my last baby, so I want to savor this time.

Breastfeeding beyond a year in the United States, unfortunately, is not common. Lucky for me, I am part of a very active local Facebook group called the Badass Breastfeeders of Southern Maryland. The group is made up of supportive moms, and many of them now have little toddler nursers. I asked them to share their truths about extended breastfeeding.

 

#Truth 1

“Gymnursetics is real.”

-Alithza Martinez

#Truth  2

“Nineteen months — that's how long I spent nursing my last baby. Through challenges and triumphs, I only wanted to nurse for three months, then six months, and then a year. Then when it was over, there I was sobbing uncontrollably the last time my baby latched.

“No one ever tells you how that weaning period feels. The emotional sadness you feel when it all ends. He unlatched, looked me in the eyes and sighed while saying 'All done.' That was the last time he ever latched.”

-Shannon Heany Crush

#Truth  3

“My son is almost 19 months old. Breastfeeding was hard at first. Really hard. My other two children didn't make it past four months. With a family who calls my son a 'titty baby' because he is clingy and fussy, I have very family little support.

“My husband isn't very supportive either, but through a move across country, sickness, surgery, and two kids in school, I am still breastfeeding.

“Going past a year was new to me. My son is so very demanding and always pinching, too many touched out days for me, but our bond is so strong. I love our time together. I dread our weaning days and am hoping that isn't anytime soon.”

-Amber Enrriques

#Truth   4

“This is the last photo I have of my daughter nursing. She weaned September 2014 at 20 months old. I was roughly 7-months pregnant with her little brother.

“My goal had been to nurse until she was 2, as that is what the World Health Organization recommends. We didn't quite make it, but we nursed until she was ready to wean. Some days it was hard, but mostly, it was an amazing bond that I will never forget.”

-Annie Stauffer

#Truth  5
“Fifteen months and going strong! Truth is that it's difficult eating enough to keep yourself satisfied while providing enough for your baby. Truth is that it's not easy, in any sense, nursing a toddler. Truth is that I get a huge sense of pride and accomplishment out of knowing that I have nourished her and that she will quit when she's ready.”

-Gwyenne Buttrill

#Truth 6

 “My truths about nursing past a year:

“Nursing a toddler doesn't feel any different than nursing a baby. I'll admit, before I had my daughter, the idea of nursing past a year or two weirded me out. But nursing my 2-year-old feels just as natural and normal as it did when she was a newborn.

“Extended nursing in no way limits a child's independence. Or at least, if it does, thank goodness! If my fiercely independent and strong-willed daughter were any more so, I'm not sure I'd survive it!

“Sometimes I love our nursing relationship; sometimes I don't love it. In fact, if I'm being honest, sometimes I resent it. I resent that some days I'm so touched out from nursing that the last thing I want to do when my daughter finally crawls down from my lap is to get down on the floor and play blocks, or cars, or dress up. Although I love how strong our nursing bond is, I sometimes worry that other parts of our relationship might suffer for it.

“The hardest part of nursing a toddler is other people. You would think by now I would be immune to the opinions of other people, but actually, it's the opposite. With the perceptions about extended nursing in our country being what they are, the older my daughter gets, the more self-conscious I feel about nursing. I very rarely nurse in public anymore, and I sometimes cringe when my husband (who cares not at all what other people think) tells people we're still nursing.

“Not everyone who nurses past a year plans on self-weaning. I never planned to nurse until my daughter self-weaned. From the beginning, my goal was to nurse for as long as both she AND I wanted to. And now that she's over 2, I sometimes feel like I'm caught in a limbo between the early weaning crowd and the full-term nursers.

“I am absolutely certain I would not still be nursing without the support of other nursing moms!”
-Amanda Mastran

by Mindi Stavish

Moving from Crib to Bed

When your child moves from crib to bed it’s a milestone in his life as well as yours. There is no precise time for making this move, though typically it’s between the first and third birthday. The key to success is to be patient and allow your child time to adjust to the change.

Why move a child from crib to bed?

If a child sleeps well in his crib, don’t rush the change. Switching to a bed gives a child freedom and brings new issues for parents, such as the yo-yo syndrome or early morning wanderings. The most common reasons to switch:

• Your child learns how to climb. –  Move your child out of the crib when the rail is up to the level of his nipples, since climbing out is more possible.
•  
• Your child outgrows the crib. –  Don’t assume it’s time! You may think that he’s uncomfortable, but he may be content in his little nest.
•  
• Your child asks for a bed. – If she’s old enough, then go ahead and take the leap.
•  
• Your child is learning how to use the toilet.— Even if your child uses the toilet during the day, it’s often a long while before bedtime dryness happens.
•  
• A new sibling is on the way. – If your little one loves his crib, then ousting him to make room for the newcomer may add stress. If you feel that the time is right then make the change two months or more before your newborn arrives.
•  

What kind of bed should my child move to?

There are a number of options for a child’s first bed:

• Toddler bed – These are small, low and child-sized. They have guard rails on all sides, and come in playful designs.
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• Regular bed – A common choice is a mattress, box springs and bed frame (with all sides protected from fall-outs). Consider a double or bigger size to accommodate the night-reading ritual.
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• Mattress on the floor – A popular choice is a mattress or futon on the floor. This provides your little one with a big-kid bed, but one that prevents any painful falls.
•  
• Bunk bed – ?Hold off on a bunk bed until your child is 6 years old, when it is considered safe.
•  

How do we make the change?

Which approach is best for you will depend on your reasons for making the change, your child’s personality, and the size of his room. Here are a few options:

• Big-kid bed hoopla:  Some children enjoy having an official Big Kid Day party. Set up the bed, decorate the room and add a few sleep-related gifts like books and stuffed animals.
•  
• One-step-at-a-time:  Take the mattress out of the crib and place it on the floor in the place as the crib was. This gives your child the same sleeping surface and view of the room as he’s accustomed to. Place guard rails around the sides to create a crib-like enclosure. Keep the same bedding and crib toys. This is a mid-step between the crib and a real bed.
•  
• The gradual introduction:  Set up the new bed in the same room with the crib. Allow your child to play on the bed and nap there. Do your bedtime reading in the new bed. This will help your child get used to the bed gradually.
•  

Patience and encouragement

No matter which path you choose – be patient. Big steps toward growth often happen in spurts, and your child may be excited to welcome the change one day, but wary of it the next. Maintain your nightly bedtime routine and help your child develop a positive association with his new bed, since he’ll be sleeping there for many years to come.

By Elizabeth Pantley

Celebrating Birth of Babies With Holistic Baby Care

In The Beginning...

The birth of a baby marks a grand beginning. It's also the celebration of a new life.

Mothers who gave birth to their babies have just embarked on a lifelong and eventful journey, growing and nurturing them eventually to adulthood. What is to come is a rich blend of pleasures and anxieties.

Baby Care Can Be Challenging 

There are pleasures because the newborn baby is just a bundle of joy! Babies bring lots of fun and "play" to family life. Anxieties will be high for many mothers, however, especially for those who are ill-prepared and inexperienced. Many mothers with grown-up children can testify to the fact that baby care isn't going to be smooth-sailing or easy. In fact, it can get quite messy at times.

Babies tend to grow quite quickly between the ages of one and three years. During these times, they will experience many changes. Mothers, facing many challenges this season must do their best to help their babies become independent, stay healthy and remain happy.

The First Few Months 

The first few months following their birth are vital for babies. At this stage babies have a strong need to feel love and secure. They seek to have both needs met through playing, interacting, experimenting and learning.

Also, parents must not underestimate the need and value of giving their babies quality time, cuddling and stroking them to ensure that they are always comfortable, warm and healthy.

Babies Can and Should Learn 

Babies will have to learn from their parents about how to remain secure and also to receive love, comfort and warmth. Such ongoing mother-baby interactions are especially necessary to help newborns find pleasure, feel loved and experience a deeper sense of security. They will also help prepare babies for their next season of growth.

Babies also need to learn how to do things on their own such as shaking their rattles to make some noise, while parents must ensure that their babies are fed whenever it becomes necessary and to also ensure that the baby is always feeling comfortable.

Toys Matter More Than You Know

Toys as baby gift play an important part in the life of a baby. So much thought and care is needed when selecting toys for your baby.

When choosing toys for babies it is necessary to ensure that you keep things simple. Do not go overboard with giving them electronic toys. It won't do babies any good buying toys that do not help in encouraging them to imagine things; a stuffed animal or doll that can talk and sing, for example, is a good choice.

Select Your Toys Purposefully

The goal should be to promote spontaneity and creativity in babies and it is not wise to give them something that does not help them stretch and use all their senses and imagination.

There are also many risks involved in giving electronic toys to a baby. These include risking slower child development and even weight gain. Electronic toys can also hamper the baby's ability to think on its own. In extreme cases, they could even cause hearing impairment as well as delayed progress with language and other developments.

Holistic Baby Care 

Beyond play and interactions, parents ought to pay special attention to the nutritional needs of babies. They should ensure that the baby gets enough calories as well as plenty of energy by giving appropriate foods. It is also necessary to ensure that the baby is not fed with too big a portion of food as that will overwhelm the baby's appetite and also be more than what the little stomach can hold.

When it comes to baby care, parents need to pay special attention to the health of their newborn baby. The bottom line includes but not limited to ensuring that the baby gets plenty of food, their skin is well taken care of, and enough sleep.

Ray Young writes passionately on family and health topics like Tips To Cure Insomnia. To be sure you appreciate what Holistic Baby Care is all about, go now to Toddler, Babies and Baby Care [http://www.babiestoddlerchildcare.com] to read more.

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