Colic? How to Calm Your Crying Baby

All babies cry. Most babies cry a lot. Some babies are more easily comforted, others can routinely work themselves into a frenzy. Of course it sends your heart racing. That's Mother Nature's way of insuring that the human race survives.

"She cries a lot. How do I know if this is colic?"

Colic is traditionally defined as 3 hours or more of daily crying, at least three times a week. 20% of babies are officially diagnosed with colic. But you could think of colic as simply crying that goes on and on and does not seem to have a cause.

It probably doesn't matter if it's actually colic, unless when your baby's crying gets almost unbearable, it helps you to remember that there's nothing wrong with you or him; it's just colic. Whether it's actually colic, or just lots of crying, it is always stressful, and it helps to know that it's normal, it won't last more than 3 months, and you will eventually have a perfectly cheerful baby.

"What causes all this crying?"

I'm assuming you've eliminated the obvious causes -- i.e., the baby has been fed and burped and changed, and you've picked her up and moved around jiggling her, but the crying has continued. If you haven't tried all this, start there.

The truth is that we don't know what causes colic. There may be differing contributing causes for different babies, such as sensitivity to formula, food allergies, or gastrointestinal upset.

In one study of colicky babies, when the moms stopped drinking cow's milk, half the babies' colic vanished. The other half, unfortunately, kept crying.

One easy thing to try that helps many irritable babies is to cut down on the foremilk they're eating. You do this by pumping a little milk, throwing it away, and then nursing your baby. That's because the initial milk -- the foremilk -- that comes out when the baby begins nursing is especially rich. Some moms make a lot of it, and some babies have such delicate digestion that it irritates them. By skipping some of the foremilk, the baby can digest the milk better, and for many babies, their crying stops.

Another miracle cure for colic was reported in the January 2007 issue of Pediatrics. The researchers had a 95% success rate by giving babies probiotics AND eliminating cow's milk. They gave colicy babies who were breastfeeding 5 drops daily of beneficial gut bacteria (the probiotic L. reuteri). All the moms were asked to eliminate cows milk from their diet. 95% of the probiotic babies improved, as opposed to only 7 percent of the control babies, with crying improving somewhat in the first week and dramatically within a month. If this study is repeated with the same results by other researchers, probiotics will soon be prescribed as the cure for colic. In the meantime, any parent with a colicky baby will probably want to conduct their own private experiment to see if it works on their baby.

They must be dazzled and overwhelmed by the feast for the senses that greets them with every new day in the world. Their brains and nervous systems need time to mature so they can handle all the stimulation we take for granted.

"He didn't cry much for the first couple of weeks, but now he cries every evening for a few hours!"

This is very common. As babies become more aware of their surroundings, and stay awake for longer periods during the day, they cry more. It may be that the beneficial bacteria that was in her gut from your body is now gone, or that as babies get more and more stimulated all day, and by evening, have no other way to relieve their anxiety. In any case, the result is the behavior we call colic: crying for many hours, often late into the night.

"But I don't know how to comfort her and I feel so inept!"

After attending to your infant's physical health and safety, learning to comfort her is one of the most important tasks you face. That's not because crying is so terrible for infants, but because your feeling like a competent parent is a crucial building block in your relationship with her. The most effective way to reduce crying is to recreate a womb-like environment for your baby. Below, I tell you how to do that.

But while you can probably reduce your baby's crying, I urge you to let yourself off the hook here. There may be absolutely nothing you can do except hold her. Haven't you had times when what you needed was just to cry and to have someone there so you wouldn't feel so alone?

"But I worry that there might be something wrong with him!"

Every parent worries when their baby cries and they don't know why. But if you've looked for obvious causes (did you eat spicy food before you nursed him? Have you eliminated milk from your diet if you're nursing? Changed his formula?) and his doctor sees him regularly and has pronounced him thriving, you can rest assured that crying -- even long periods of incessant crying -- is considered normal for infants in our society, and there is nothing wrong with your baby.

"Why do you say it's normal in our society? Don't babies cry everywhere?"

Actually, no. In cultures where the infant is held or worn fairly constantly, colic is apparently virtually unknown and babies rarely cry for long. We don't know if that's the baby wearing or the diet in those cultures, or something else entirely.

"Is there a reason to think that baby-wearing helps?"

Research shows that babies who are held or carried more (both during the colic spells and at other times) are definitely less susceptible to colic. It is possible that wearing babies is so soothing that they are less overwhelmed throughout the day and build up less tension. I used to think of myself as the lightning rod for my infants.

But another way to interpret this data is just that some babies need to be held virtually all the time. When they are put down, they cry. When they are picked up, they often stop.

"I do hold and carry my baby a lot. But in the evening, it seems that isn't enough, and he just cries and cries."

Sometimes holding is not enough, and babies don’t stop crying unless they are walked, jostled, danced, bounced, rocked or subjected to some other rhythmic motion, which seems to dissipate their tension. I ruined a mattress with each of our babies, because I found that holding them while jumping on the bed soothed them better than anything during that first three months, and wearing out the mattress seemed a small price to pay for a happy baby.

Whatever movement your baby responds to, it takes a lot of energy. But it is infinitely better than listening to a baby cry. And the gift to your baby is enormous, as he gets the message that you can be depended on when he’s miserable.

"I’ve tried everything: wearing her much of the day in a snuggly, holding, soothing, swaddling, rhythmic motion, adding probiotics to her diet, giving up milk in mine. She's still crying! What do I do?"

You witness. Sometimes people, especially babies, just need to cry. You override any needling suspicion in your mind that there is anything wrong with your parenting by reminding yourself that “Sometimes people just need to cry” and you hold your child, and she cries, and you do whatever you need to do to stay sane.

If you can pay attention to her, sing to her, empathize, that’s great. If not, then put on headphones and listen to music that blocks out her crying. Don’t be surprised if holding her, in your new calm state, helps her to stop crying, especially if you start dancing or singing to the music on your headphones.

"I just can't calm down when he cries like this. Even when I put the headphones on, the crying seems to reverberate in my head. It's driving me crazy!"

If you can’t calm yourself, put the baby down. It helps babies to be held while they cry (true for most of us) but not if the adult is experiencing extreme anger or anxiety.

If you think you might lose control and shake the baby, it simply isn’t worth taking that chance. Put the baby in a safe place (crib, car seat, strapped in a baby seat or swing) and shut the door to that room. Put on headphones so that you can’t hear the crying through the door. Now do whatever you need to do to calm yourself down. Step outside for a moment or open the window, and breath in some fresh air. Feel your tension draining out through your feet. Call another adult to come over. Remind yourself not to take the crying personally, and that this too shall pass.

It also might help you to remember the old proverb about children each offering a finite amount of grief to their parents, just so you know that you’re getting it over with up front and the teenage years will be easy!

"I buy the idea that babies need another month or two in a womb-like environment to mature. But what do I do to create a womb-like environment for my baby?"

Techniques to Use When Your Baby Cries

These are techniques to use when your baby cries, but they are also preventive tools to keep your infant from getting over-stimulated all day long:

1. Hold or wear your baby

...as much as you can. As Dr. Sears says: “In counseling parents of fussy babies, we strive for two goals: to mellow the temperament of the baby and to increase the sensitivity of the parents. Babywearing helps foster both of these goals. By creating an organized, womblike, environment, wearing lessens a baby’s need to cry." An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

2. Swaddle your baby.

Most newborns like to be wrapped securely. It reminds them of their snug womb. I hasten to add that as always you should listen to your baby, since there are babies who don't like to be swaddled. And of course no baby as babies get older they need to move so you'll want to swaddle only for sleeping, and only then if it helps the crying.

3. Rhythmic motion:

Again, reminiscent of the womb. Rocking works for some babies, but most of the time when they're upset, more intense motion is called for. Some parents swear by baby swings or baby hammocks, others by putting the baby in a car seat and driving. But these techniques have their limits, usually the infant needs to be held at the same time that they're moving. Some parents dance, some go up and down steps, some jump on mattresses, many develop the bobbing, swaying motion I call the Mom's dance. Experiment to see what works for your baby.

4. White Noise:

Soothing sounds can muffle or block out the jarring traffic horns or even voices that can jangle and over-stimulate baby nerves. I found new age chanting to be effective, some people swear by their vacuum cleaner or white noise machine, others just whisper repetitive shushing noises. You don't need to be loud enough to shock or scare your child, just provide a soothing, calming, repetitive sound.

5. Nurse your baby.

For some babies, nursing is a guaranteed instant soother. Why work any harder than that if you don't have to? And, for the record, babies fed on a schedule are more likely to have colic. Feed your baby whenever he or she asks, and colic is less likely.

6. Explore other "cures."

Some babies have food allergies, and if you change the formula, or if the breastfeeding mother changes her diet, the crying stops. Often a diet free of cows milk, wheat, or other common allergens is a miracle cure. Every parent of a colicky baby should try probiotics, as mentioned above. Some moms swear by infant massage. If you try all these suggestions and your baby keeps crying, by all means talk to your doctor, and keep asking the parents you know what worked for them. And hang in there. Sooner or later, your little screamer will be a perfectly charming baby.

Will Your Only Child Accept The New Baby?

The plan was to have kids far enough apart so that the oldest would be an extra set of hands—happy to run for a diaper when I was up to my elbows in newborn-baby fun. Instead, come April, I’m looking at the prospect of having two kids under three, both of whom are relying on me for their sanitary needs.

That wasn’t the plan.

But I can adjust to changing 18 trillion diapers for the next year (and working really, really hard on potty training my 2-year-old!). It’s doable, and so are the dozens of other small worries I have about having two little ones being so close in age. However, the one thing that has been causing me to lose sleep is the fact that I’m taking my daughter’s “Only Child” crown away from her much sooner than I had planned … and sooner than I think she deserves.

My sister and I are five years apart, and I have always thought that that was a glorious amount of space between kids. We were never in the same school, and yet we were close growing up, and that has continued into adulthood. I was also old enough to understand that we were adding a baby to the family, and I prepared with my parents for my awesome responsibilities as the “Big Sister.”

My daughter, on the other hand, has absolutely no clue what is happening.

I point out every baby I see in books, television, and in real life, and exclaim, “Awww! A baby!” She repeats it mechanically and moves on. Strike one.

I lift my shirt to show her my belly (which is surprisingly large for just entering my seventh month …), point at it, and say, “Baby!” to which she replies by pointing at her own belly and repeating what I just said. Strike two.

Last week, as we were playing in her room, I picked up one of her plastic baby dolls and rocked it in my arms. As I held it out to her, she smiled, cautiously walked over, then proceeded to lean over, put her ear to the baby’s face, and pretend like it was a phone.

Strike three.

This means that, one day, approximately 12 weeks from now, I will leave my daughter with my sister, and my husband and I will return home with something that she was NOT expecting—her tiny, crying, baby brother, who will sleep in the room next to hers. I am really not looking forward to her reaction to this surprise addition.

I do know that, eventually, she will love him. She will realize that, while her bossiness has no effect on her father and me, I’m willing to bet that she will easily get her baby brother to bend to her will, and he will become her little sidekick.

She will love having a playmate. She will love making him laugh. She will love teaching him things and protecting him. I know it. One day.

I just hope we all survive those first few months.

7 Ways to Stay Awake During Middle of the Night Nursing Sessions

Nursing mamas, let's get real for a second: the ability to feed your baby by pulling out a boob is pretty convenient, but there's one part that always throws me for a loop: the middle-of-the-night feed. Simply put: getting up to breastfeed in the middle of the night is kind of a drag. Sleeping when you have little ones is highly coveted, so waking up to a crying and hungry baby puts a slight damper on that glorious sleep.

I'm no stranger to the MOTN nursing session; I breastfed my first daughter for 16 months, and I'm currently exclusively breastfeeding my six-month-old baby. I'm not a whiz at math, but I know that combined, that's almost two years of being awake a whole heck of a lot in the middle of the night.

During those early newborn days, especially if you have a baby who likes to nurse forever, staying awake when the rest of the house is fast asleep can be extremely difficult. Sometimes I even have to turn on a light just to keep myself awake, while my precious little one sleeps on the boob, gulping down her midnight (and 2 am, and 4 am) snack in her “dream feed.” (And don't worry, there are plenty of times when she comes into bed with us and I catch some zzz's while nursing her–gotta love the side-laying position!)

I have some tricks up my sleeve that may help you keep your eyes wide open when all they'd rather do is close and go back to sleep.

Here are 7 Ways to Stay Awake During Middle of the Night Nursing Sessions:

#Way 1

Read a Book. It's no secret that moms have very little time to themselves once little ones come around, but one of the things I've missed from my kid-less days is reading. I have a Kindle app on my phone, and during each MOTN feed I pick up right where I've left off. Since the beginning of this year I've already read a dozen books with this method! The books I'm reading aren't super complicated, but they're fun, easy reads that help keep me awake long enough to nurse the baby. The bonus part to this is that I recently joined a book club; so nursing in the middle of the night is essentially helping me make friends! Win/win.

#Way 2 

Clean Out Your Phone Book. In this day and age, it's probably safe to say that your Rolodex is now stored on your phone, and if you're anything like me, you have dozens of numbers stored on there you probably don't need in there anymore. It's also extremely safe to say that you reallydon't have time in your day-to-day life to do something as mundane as looking through your list of contacts for people to delete. Well, now that you're up at oh-dark-thirty, you have plenty of time on your hands to take care of business.

 #Way 3

Play a Game. Nothing can make you doze-off faster than being bored and sleepy. Put that brain to work by playing a game on your phone. Words with Friends, Scrabble, or even that matching game you have on there for your toddler … anything that will make you think. I play games against friends, and you'd be surprised how many other moms are up right around the same time you are. Just don't be surprised if your baby finishes eating and you're still awake trying to get through just one more round. 

 #Way 4

Edit Those Pictures. I typically don't have time to post pictures during the day since I snap around a million photos on my phone just to get that one decent picture of my girls. When I'm breastfeeding I have some extra downtime to scroll through all my pictures, find the ones I like, and get them up on social media or into an email for the grandparents.

 #Way 5

Binge Watch TV. My first daughter was a marathon nurser, meaning she paced herself and was in it for the long haul for each feed. Thankfully, we had a subscription to Netflix, so I binge watched shows in the middle of the night. Consider this an opportunity to catch up on all those shows you've been meaning to watch someday.

 #Way 6

Get Some Food and Pour a Drink. Drinking water is essential to keeping up a good milk supply, so pour a tall glass of water (or keep a water bottle handy on your nightstand), to drink while nursing. During the early days when I was still establishing my supply (and ravenous any time I nursed), I even made some “booby bites” and kept several on my nightstand so I could tame my rumbling tummy during a MOTN feed.

 #Way 7

Get Out of Bed. If you're not keen on cosleeping, and don't want to risk falling asleep with the baby in your bed, get out of your bed and feed her in another room. The act of getting out of bed and walking somewhere else will help wake you up–then use one of the tips above to stay awake.

Author,

Jessica Lynn       

The Case Against Ferber Sleep Training

I'll admit up front that I'm biased against Ferberizing, or Ferbering, as it is sometimes called. As a psychologist, I follow the research, which has convinced me that babies do better if they are held when they cry.

I understand how desperate a parent can be to get a child to sleep, and I have many good friends who have used the Ferber method with their babies. But I've found that there are kinder, gentler ways to teach babies to put themselves to sleep. And with all due respect, Richard Ferber is trained in physical health, not mental health. He readily admits that he is not trained in infant psychology.

Most interesting, Ferber now says in interviews that he regrets some of the advice he's given. He's been quoted as saying that he feels badly that child health professionals are encouraging parents to leave very young babies to cry, and that it's ok to co-sleep.

Here's how Ferberizing works:

You never start this process with a baby younger than three months. First, you let the baby cry for five minutes, then go in to reassure him verbally and by patting him. You don't pick him up. Then you leave, let him cry for another ten minutes, then go back to reassure him again. This time, you let him cry for fifteen minutes, then go back to reassure him. If the baby vomits, you clean him up (preferably without picking him up), but leave him in the crib and continue with the Ferberizing. Each time you leave, you wait longer to return.

With a very determined and resourceful baby, this crying can go on all night, but more usually the baby will become exhausted and fall asleep after a few hours. When he reawakens later in the night, the process is repeated. Often the next interval of crying is shorter, either because the baby has given up on the parent staying, or because he is exhausted. Sometimes it is longer, because the baby is re-energized (or an extremely determined person, who will someday accomplish great things by virtue of his strong will.) Usually, though, the crying diminishes on subsequent nights, as the baby learns not to expect the parent to stay with him.

While listening to their baby cry is hard on parents (not to mention the baby), most babies do eventually give up calling for their parents, and sleep. Because they do not yet talk, and live so completely in the moment, we do not hear from them the next morning how they felt about the experience.

However, even when parents are consistent, this approach does not work on all children. Some babies are still crying on the seventh night in a row. It is not uncommon for babies to get an ear infection in the middle of it (from the congestion caused by the crying); it is recommended that the Ferberizing be discontinued during the round of antibiotics that follows, to be re-initiated later. In addition, since any change in the routine (a brief illness, a trip to Grandma's) requires parents to respond to the baby's cries and then to repeat Ferberizing on another night, this process must be endured repeatedly by both baby and parents.

There are many studies claiming that repeatedly leaving babies to cry it out is a risk factor that predisposes kids to permanent brain changes and mental health issues in later life. However, advocates of Ferberizing say that because the parent keeps returning to the child's room, this offers the child reassurance that he has not been abandoned, and therefore keeps the experience from traumatizing the baby in the way that just letting them "cry it out" does.

The most recent claim that letting kids "cry it out" without reassurance may cause lasting damage is the finding that when a baby is left to cry alone, her cortisol level shoots up, indicating distress. That's not surprising. What is surprising is the finding that on subsequent nights -- even when the baby is put into bed and does not cry -- her cortisol level still shoots up. Researchers interpret this as an indication that she is distressed. So why doesn't she cry? Because she has been "trained" -- she knows that no one will come.

Margot Sunderland's The Science of Parenting cites many studies that Sunderland claims support her view that repeated, sustained crying without adult reassurance causes babies' brains to develop less than optimally. My perusal of her sources showed some that probably should not be used to support her claim because they studied more extreme circumstances. But many of the studies seem credible.

Harvard Researchers who examined emotional learning, infant brain function and cultural differences claim that babies who are left to cry themselves to sleep suffer long-lasting damage to their nervous systems. The researchers claim that this makes these children more susceptible in later life to anxiety disorders, including panic attacks. The incidence of anxiety disorders has increased dramatically in recent years, but I personally don't think this is necessarily correlated to the practice of letting children "cry it out." My own view is that such a susceptibility could be caused by many aspects of childhood in 21st century North America and would need to be triggered by later trauma to play out.

So the question is whether the intermittent parental reassurance (but refusing to pick up the pleading baby) as specified by the Ferber method protects the child from the risks of just letting him "cry it out." Some anti-Ferber folks claim that the parent coming into the room and ignoring the baby's distress might actually increase the trauma by undermining the baby's trust in the parent.

It's hard to evaluate research in this area because there are so many other factors (many of which are arguably more important) in how babies develop. However, it is well-documented that sustained, uncomforted infant crying causes increased heart rate and blood pressure, reduced oxygen levels, elevated cerebral blood pressure, depleted energy reserves and oxygen, and cardiac stress. Cortisol, adrenalin and other stress hormones skyrocket, which disrupts the immune system and digestion. It's a reasonable guess that if this is repeated over time, these babies would build a slightly different brain, more prone to "fight, flight or freeze."

We know that with adults, even one panic-inducing experience like a car accident or mugging that causes an extreme stress response can have ongoing stress effects for years. Since babies' heart rates and blood pressure soar during Ferbering, I don't think there can be any doubt that sleep training without parental comfort causes the experience to be indelibly etched on the memory, much as any panic situation can evoke strong feelings years later. That the memory is sensory and preverbal just gives it more power, as it cannot be adequately processed.  

So there are a growing number of critics who see Ferberizing as barbaric. Their position can be summarized as follows:

1. Richard Ferber is a pediatrician with no psychological training.

While his approach works on some babies, it may not be simply "teaching them to sleep in their own beds”, as Ferber maintains. Other, less desirable lessons are unwittingly being taught.

2. Your baby is learning that you cannot be depended on,

and in fact will regularly desert her when she needs you most; that she is powerless to have an impact on her world in the ways that most matter to her; and that her world is a cold and lonely place. The most important developmental work your baby is doing right now is learning how to trust. Why sabotage that?

3. She learns that you will not help her when she needs it,

...by your coming back into the room and telling her to go to sleep. She concludes that she is not, in the deepest dark of the night, really lovable. She may even conclude that you are intentionally tormenting her.

4. It is possible that these early lessons will underlie her sense of self and worldview for the rest of her life.

Insomnia is rampant in our culture, and some Ferber critics argue that all those adults who can’t fall asleep without the TV on, or who wake up at night and can’t sleep, are Ferber casualties.

I should add that I've heard that there are families where the baby learns to fall asleep with a few minutes of crying and never needs to be retrained. In those cases, it seems to me a wonderful solution.

I should also acknowledge that I know many kids who were Ferbered as babies by their parents, who shall remain nameless because they are dear friends of mine. These kids all seem fine to me. So while I think Ferbering is a risk factor, it's hardly the worst thing you can do to your kids. Regular yelling because you're exhausted would be worse, in my view. And sleep deprivation definitely makes you a worse parent.

But Ferbering is a risk factor, and an avoidable one, so it's important for you to know there are other, gentler methods for teaching your baby to put herself to sleep. You can begin encouraging gentle sleep habits that make it more likely that your chid will sleep at night even as early as three months.