The Case Against Ferber Sleep Training

I'll admit up front that I'm biased against Ferberizing, or Ferbering, as it is sometimes called. As a psychologist, I follow the research, which has convinced me that babies do better if they are held when they cry.

I understand how desperate a parent can be to get a child to sleep, and I have many good friends who have used the Ferber method with their babies. But I've found that there are kinder, gentler ways to teach babies to put themselves to sleep. And with all due respect, Richard Ferber is trained in physical health, not mental health. He readily admits that he is not trained in infant psychology.

Most interesting, Ferber now says in interviews that he regrets some of the advice he's given. He's been quoted as saying that he feels badly that child health professionals are encouraging parents to leave very young babies to cry, and that it's ok to co-sleep.

Here's how Ferberizing works:

You never start this process with a baby younger than three months. First, you let the baby cry for five minutes, then go in to reassure him verbally and by patting him. You don't pick him up. Then you leave, let him cry for another ten minutes, then go back to reassure him again. This time, you let him cry for fifteen minutes, then go back to reassure him. If the baby vomits, you clean him up (preferably without picking him up), but leave him in the crib and continue with the Ferberizing. Each time you leave, you wait longer to return.

With a very determined and resourceful baby, this crying can go on all night, but more usually the baby will become exhausted and fall asleep after a few hours. When he reawakens later in the night, the process is repeated. Often the next interval of crying is shorter, either because the baby has given up on the parent staying, or because he is exhausted. Sometimes it is longer, because the baby is re-energized (or an extremely determined person, who will someday accomplish great things by virtue of his strong will.) Usually, though, the crying diminishes on subsequent nights, as the baby learns not to expect the parent to stay with him.

While listening to their baby cry is hard on parents (not to mention the baby), most babies do eventually give up calling for their parents, and sleep. Because they do not yet talk, and live so completely in the moment, we do not hear from them the next morning how they felt about the experience.

However, even when parents are consistent, this approach does not work on all children. Some babies are still crying on the seventh night in a row. It is not uncommon for babies to get an ear infection in the middle of it (from the congestion caused by the crying); it is recommended that the Ferberizing be discontinued during the round of antibiotics that follows, to be re-initiated later. In addition, since any change in the routine (a brief illness, a trip to Grandma's) requires parents to respond to the baby's cries and then to repeat Ferberizing on another night, this process must be endured repeatedly by both baby and parents.

There are many studies claiming that repeatedly leaving babies to cry it out is a risk factor that predisposes kids to permanent brain changes and mental health issues in later life. However, advocates of Ferberizing say that because the parent keeps returning to the child's room, this offers the child reassurance that he has not been abandoned, and therefore keeps the experience from traumatizing the baby in the way that just letting them "cry it out" does.

The most recent claim that letting kids "cry it out" without reassurance may cause lasting damage is the finding that when a baby is left to cry alone, her cortisol level shoots up, indicating distress. That's not surprising. What is surprising is the finding that on subsequent nights -- even when the baby is put into bed and does not cry -- her cortisol level still shoots up. Researchers interpret this as an indication that she is distressed. So why doesn't she cry? Because she has been "trained" -- she knows that no one will come.

Margot Sunderland's The Science of Parenting cites many studies that Sunderland claims support her view that repeated, sustained crying without adult reassurance causes babies' brains to develop less than optimally. My perusal of her sources showed some that probably should not be used to support her claim because they studied more extreme circumstances. But many of the studies seem credible.

Harvard Researchers who examined emotional learning, infant brain function and cultural differences claim that babies who are left to cry themselves to sleep suffer long-lasting damage to their nervous systems. The researchers claim that this makes these children more susceptible in later life to anxiety disorders, including panic attacks. The incidence of anxiety disorders has increased dramatically in recent years, but I personally don't think this is necessarily correlated to the practice of letting children "cry it out." My own view is that such a susceptibility could be caused by many aspects of childhood in 21st century North America and would need to be triggered by later trauma to play out.

So the question is whether the intermittent parental reassurance (but refusing to pick up the pleading baby) as specified by the Ferber method protects the child from the risks of just letting him "cry it out." Some anti-Ferber folks claim that the parent coming into the room and ignoring the baby's distress might actually increase the trauma by undermining the baby's trust in the parent.

It's hard to evaluate research in this area because there are so many other factors (many of which are arguably more important) in how babies develop. However, it is well-documented that sustained, uncomforted infant crying causes increased heart rate and blood pressure, reduced oxygen levels, elevated cerebral blood pressure, depleted energy reserves and oxygen, and cardiac stress. Cortisol, adrenalin and other stress hormones skyrocket, which disrupts the immune system and digestion. It's a reasonable guess that if this is repeated over time, these babies would build a slightly different brain, more prone to "fight, flight or freeze."

We know that with adults, even one panic-inducing experience like a car accident or mugging that causes an extreme stress response can have ongoing stress effects for years. Since babies' heart rates and blood pressure soar during Ferbering, I don't think there can be any doubt that sleep training without parental comfort causes the experience to be indelibly etched on the memory, much as any panic situation can evoke strong feelings years later. That the memory is sensory and preverbal just gives it more power, as it cannot be adequately processed.  

So there are a growing number of critics who see Ferberizing as barbaric. Their position can be summarized as follows:

1. Richard Ferber is a pediatrician with no psychological training.

While his approach works on some babies, it may not be simply "teaching them to sleep in their own beds”, as Ferber maintains. Other, less desirable lessons are unwittingly being taught.

2. Your baby is learning that you cannot be depended on,

and in fact will regularly desert her when she needs you most; that she is powerless to have an impact on her world in the ways that most matter to her; and that her world is a cold and lonely place. The most important developmental work your baby is doing right now is learning how to trust. Why sabotage that?

3. She learns that you will not help her when she needs it,

...by your coming back into the room and telling her to go to sleep. She concludes that she is not, in the deepest dark of the night, really lovable. She may even conclude that you are intentionally tormenting her.

4. It is possible that these early lessons will underlie her sense of self and worldview for the rest of her life.

Insomnia is rampant in our culture, and some Ferber critics argue that all those adults who can’t fall asleep without the TV on, or who wake up at night and can’t sleep, are Ferber casualties.

I should add that I've heard that there are families where the baby learns to fall asleep with a few minutes of crying and never needs to be retrained. In those cases, it seems to me a wonderful solution.

I should also acknowledge that I know many kids who were Ferbered as babies by their parents, who shall remain nameless because they are dear friends of mine. These kids all seem fine to me. So while I think Ferbering is a risk factor, it's hardly the worst thing you can do to your kids. Regular yelling because you're exhausted would be worse, in my view. And sleep deprivation definitely makes you a worse parent.

But Ferbering is a risk factor, and an avoidable one, so it's important for you to know there are other, gentler methods for teaching your baby to put herself to sleep. You can begin encouraging gentle sleep habits that make it more likely that your chid will sleep at night even as early as three months.

Managing Your Toddler: TANTRUMS!

Tantrums are normal for toddlers, even legendary. Toddlers feel so passionately about everything, and they simply don't have enough frontal cortex capacity yet to control themselves when they're upset.

That said, you'll be glad to know that many tantrums are avoidable. Since many tantrums are an result of feeling powerless, toddlers who feel they have some control over their lives have many fewer tantrums. And since toddlers who are tired and hungry don't have the inner resources to handle frustration, managing your toddler's life so he isn't asked to cope when he's hungry or tired will reduce tantrums. An ounce of prevention really is worth a pound of cure.

Here's how to tame those toddler tantrums:

1. Since most tantrums happen when kids are hungry or tired, think ahead.

Preemptive feeding and napping, firm bedtimes, enforced rests, cozy times, peaceful quiet time without media stimulation -- whatever it takes -- prevent most tantrums, and reground kids who are getting whiny. Learn to just say no -- to yourself! Don't squeeze in that last errand. Don't drag a hungry or tired kid to the store. Make do or do it tomorrow.


“I guess we can’t do a big shop today. We’ll just get the milk and bread and go home. And here’s a cheese stick to eat while we wait in line.”

2. Make sure your child has a full reservoir of your love and attention.

Kids who feel needy are more likely to tantrum. If you've been separated all day, make sure you reconnect before you try to shop for dinner.

3. Try to handle tantrums so they don’t escalate.

It's amazing how acknowledging your child's anger can stop a brewing tantrum in its tracks. Before you set a limit, acknowledge what he wants.


"You wish you could have more juice, you love that juice, right?"

(Look, he's already nodding yes!) Then set the limit:

"You need to eat some eggs, too. We'll have more juice later."

(As you move his cup out of sight.) If he responds with anger, acknowledge it:

"That makes you so mad. You really want the juice."

Keep the number of words you use pared down:

"You are so mad!"
"No hitting."

4.  Sidestep power struggles.

You don't have to prove you're right. Your child is trying to assert that he is a real person, with some real power in the world. That's totally appropriate. Let him say no whenever you can do so without compromise to safety, health, or other peoples' rights.

5. When your child gets angry, remember that all anger is a defense against more uncomfortable feelings -- vulnerability, fear, hurt, grief.

If you can get him to go back to those underlying feelings, his anger will dissipate.

"You wish we could stay at the playground....You're sad and mad that we have to go."

6. Create Safety.

Usually at this point your child will cry. If he'll let you hold him, do so. If he won't, stay close, even if he won't let you touch him. He needs to know you're there, and still love him. Be calm and reassuring. Don’t try to reason with him. Your goal is just to create safety, so he can let all those feelings come up. Once he gets a chance to show you his sad feelings, he'll feel, and act, a lot better.

Think about what you feel like when you’re swept with exhaustion, rage and hopelessness. If you do lose it, you want someone else there holding things together, reassuring you and helping you get yourself under control -- but only after you've had a good cry.

After the tantrum:

First, take some “cozy time” together to reconnect and reassure. (No, you're not "rewarding" the tantrum. She needed this connection with you or she wouldn't have had the tantrum to begin with! And of course, make sure that your child gets enough “cozy time” with you that she doesn’t have to tantrum to get it.)

Second, tell the story of what happened, so that your child can understand and reflect, which builds the pre-frontal cortex:


"You were having such a good time playing at the playground...you didn't want to go home. When I said it was time to go, you were sad and mad...You yelled NO and hit me...I said No Hitting! and you cried and cried....I stayed right here and when you were ready we had a big, big hug....Now you feel better."

Cherishing Your Child

"Everybody's got a hungry heart."
-Bruce Springsteen

"…the precondition for giving is receiving… It is natural to say 'That is a well-cherished child' or 'There is a child who wants cherishing.' We think of cherishment as the emotional equivalent of nourishment. Soul Food."
-Elisabeth Young-Bruehl and Faith Bethelard

Humans are born ready to love, and to be loved. All parents recognize the adoration reserved especially for parents, the small arms reaching up, the joy of infant and parent in their cocoon of mutual delight. Babies expect to be cherished.

This cherishing, this affirmation of the infant from head to toe, teaches the baby who he is. In interaction with the parents, the baby learns "Yes, these are my toes, how good they feel when Dad kisses them!" and "Mom makes that happy noise when I smile at her!" The baby also learns "Mom and Dad love to bathe me, to nurse me, to care for me: I am worth taking care of. I am lovable."

Cherishing our babies is natural, if we listen to our instincts. It is our secret weapon, the nourishment that helps them grow inside, the source of self esteem, the foundation on which their ability to love and be loved rests.

This expectation of being loved is what allows our children to learn so quickly, to risk bumps and scrapes and hurt feelings: the security of knowing that someone who adores them is watching out for them, supporting their growth. Cherishment is the security of unconditional love.

For the parent, cherishing is reveling in being this baby’s parent, being grateful even in the middle of diapers and sleeplessness and colic that this baby was sent to these arms.

But if we have not been cherished ourselves, cherishing can be challenging. When we have been frustrated in our attempts to love and be loved, we may find it difficult to revel in our new baby. We may find ourselves annoyed rather than delighted by her need for our attention, angry rather than sympathetic when he howls. We may avert our eyes from her adoring gaze. We may become uncomfortable when engaged in reciprocal play with our baby and interrupt it without really noticing what we are doing, or even our discomfort.

Often, parents who have not been cherished themselves are envious of the attention the baby receives from others. These parents may insist that the baby adapt to their needs, by, for instance, refusing to adequately babyproof and then becoming angry when the baby persistently attempts to explore the VCR or the stack of magazines.

And for the baby, what happens when this need to cherish and be cherished is frustrated? Frustration, of course, is anger. Lack of being cherished creates an angry child.

Some parents are conditionally accepting. They might adore the baby, for instance, but find it difficult to deal with her when she's angry. What happens? The baby simply rejects the parts of herself that haven't been accepted. The ability to love herself is compromised, shadowed with self hatred; she is not, after all, good enough to evoke what she needs and wants most: cherishing. As she rejects parts of herself, her emotional growth is compromised. (See the Attachment Research for more about the Resistant-ambivalent response.)

The need for cherishing, like all survival needs, doesn’t vanish when thwarted. It goes deep underground. We defend ourselves against this dangerous need that would make us vulnerable; we ward it off with anger, which eventually turns into bitterness.

In extreme cases, the hope of being loved becomes too painful, and the child defends against it by consciously expecting rejection. We all know these children, who become experts at soliciting dislike. In very extreme cases, these can become the kids who are capable, one day, of taking a gun to school and opening fire. The famous researcher Rene Spitz said it most succinctly:

"Infants without love…will end as adults full of hate."

Luckily, virtually all of us get enough cherishment that we don't end up as killers. Few of us, though, get enough of this "soul food" that we don't end up with a heart that is, at times, more hungry than we would like. That hunger, those unmet needs, are what drive all "bad behavior" on the part of our children. Kids whose needs for cherishment are met become cooperative kids. Sure, they'll have times when they're overwhelmed by emotion, or have a hard time regulating their behavior. But these kids WANT to cooperate to please their parent.

Want to raise a happy, cooperative, responsible child? Cherish your baby.

Helping Your Baby Get To Sleep

Most new parents are shocked by the constant interruption of their sleep that a newborn brings to the house. But there are ways to be there when your baby needs you, and still get some rest.

There are basically three schools of thought on this issue.

The first, made popular by the book authored by pediatrician Richard Ferber, advocates teaching babies over the age of three months to sleep through the night in their own cribs, by letting them "cry it out" for increasingly longer periods of time. While most babies eventually give up and fall asleep, the process is often traumatic for parents (and we can assume for the baby), and frequently needs to be repeated following any disruption in routine. Critics point out that Ferber has no psychology training and question whether letting babies cry it out has permanent, harmful effects. More on Ferber.

The second school of thought, practiced by advocates of the Family Bed, says that infants are hard-wired to sleep with their mothers, and nurse at night, for many months, probably until toddlerhood. They point out that babies who sleep with their mothers are less likely to die of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), and that the mothers get much more sleep. My personal experience is that the family bed was heavenly. Critics of this method express concern that parents might inadvertently roll on their babies in the night, and point out that babies who sleep with their mothers and nurse on demand take much longer to sleep through the night. They also wonder why any self-respecting toddler who is accustomed to sleeping with his parents will give that up for a new, lonely, "big-boy-bed." Dr. James McKenna is one of my favorite resources on safe cosleeping.

The third school, perhaps best represented by No Cry Sleep Solution author Elizabeth Pantley, understands that parents may desperately need some sleep and agrees with Ferber that babies need to learn to fall back asleep on their own, but argues that this can be accomplished without the trauma of letting babies cry it out. More on Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.

My own view

There are safe ways for you to get more sleep, without leaving your baby to cry, and without necessarily sharing a bed. You can even start encouraging an infant in that direction but ONLY if you listen to the infant when he tells you he's hungry or needs you to hold him. In other words, this is a gentle, gradual process. See #8, below, for how to begin this process. 

Fair disclosure: I attempted Ferbering once when my son was nine months old and failed, having given him an ear infection from crying (and having nearly given myself a nervous breakdown.) After that, we went back to the family bed, which we all loved. However, once nursing my toddlers no longer helped them fall back asleep for long, I found myself walking the floor with them and spending many long hours in the middle of the night helping them to fall back to sleep. After substantial research, and working with many parents, I've come to the conclusion that many little ones who are helped to sleep by parents (nursing or rocking), simply can't put themselves back to sleep when they re-awaken during the night. If they're nursing, they may well awaken to nurse, but then will need to nurse again every time they re-awaken a little at night. Eventually, if they don't figure out how to fall back asleep on their own when they awaken at night, they will need our loving help to learn how to fall asleep without rocking or nursing.

Is this a problem? Not necessarily. Some moms are able to nurse at night as long as their child wants. However, I often speak with moms who are ready to stop night-nursing their little one, but find the prospect of night-weaning upsetting.

Does that mean we should always put babies down awake so they can learn to put themselves to sleep when tiny, so they won't develop bad habits? Since almost all newborns fall asleep at the breast (or bottle), that would be impossible. It is completely appropriate to nurse babies to sleep. Nursing to sleep is no more a "bad habit" than peeing in a diaper. As they get older, the time will come when they can learn to fall asleep themselves, just as they will eventually give up diapers.

Does that mean that a time will come when to teach our baby or toddler to fall asleep, we can leave him to cry? Never, in my view, if you want an emotionally healthy child.

But then how do kids learn to fall asleep on their own, without nursing back to sleep? They learn in the safe comfort of your arms, once they're old enough. For more on teaching your child to learn to fall asleep without nursing or rocking, click here.

Sleep is, of course, a very personal decision. I believe that

There is a sleep solution that fits every unique family, from co-sleeping to baby bunks that attach to the parents' bed, to baby hammocks, to cribs.

Of course you want your children to know from the earliest age that they can always ask for and get help. That said, we all need sleep to function and be good parents. My recommendations are biased in favor of keeping your infant close so you can get more sleep. But this is a very individual choice. Read as much as you can, and then lose the guilt. Do what works for you and your baby.

How can you get some sleep, 

when your infant is still waking up to eat?

1. Sleep whenever and wherever you can.

Keep your baby near you while he's still nursing at night, so you don't have to get out of bed. Breastmilk is designed to be given every few hours. It simply cannot hold a baby for much longer. Rats, on the other hand, give their baby food much higher in fat, so that the mother rat can leave the babies for eight hours while she’s off foraging. Baby humans could not survive predators if they were left for long periods, so nature has designed them to require their mother's presence fairly constantly. That means your baby needs to be nursed at night, for a minimum of six months and probably until she is a year old.

2. Afraid of rolling over on your baby?

Unlikely, since mothers are designed not to (unless her natural warning system has been interfered with by drugs or alcohol). There is actually evidence that babies who sleep with their mothers are less likely to die of SIDS because the co-sleeping babies' sleep cycles are in sync with their moms', and her presence stimulates him not to fall into such a deep sleep. There are experts who say that a father could suffocate a very young baby, especially if he's had a drink before bed, so most safe co-sleeping checklists say to position the baby between mom and the wall rather than between the parents. However, the fathers I hear from tell me they're very conscious of their baby, even while asleep. We know that Dads do have a hormonal response to becoming fathers, which includes a natural protectiveness toward the baby, so Paternal Instinct is as real as Maternal Instinct. I personally think that any Dad will be a better father if we honor his paternal instinct and give him the opportunity to sleep snuggled with his baby, but that's an individual decision. In any case, make sure you set up your bed for safe cosleeping, don't start without reading this detailed checklist for safe co-sleeping.

3. If you don't feel comfortable with your baby in bed with you, try a “Moses basket,” cradle or baby bunk within arm's reach.

Some moms are such light sleepers that they just can't get any sleep at all if the baby is in their bed. There are wonderful baby bunks that can be anchored to your bed, at the same level, and opened so that the baby has his own space but you can roll him into your bed with you to nurse.

4. Learn to nurse lying down so you can sleep while he feeds.

It may take a week, while you get the hang of nursing, but learn to nurse lying down, so you can doze, and you'll feel much more rested. Just wedge pillows behind you and between your knees for support, and put a folded blanket under Baby if necessary to raise him to the level of your breast so neither of you is straining to reach. He should be on his side, facing you.

5. Help your baby set her metabolic clock.

She doesn't know it's night and she should sleep. She'll learn, eventually, but you can help your little night-owl adjust faster to the world outside your womb by making sure she doesn't sleep all day. Take her out in the sun. Go for walks. Let her feast her eyes and ears on the wonders of the world. All humans really do sleep better at night when they've been exposed to fresh air and sunshine during the day. Also,you should know that babies who sleep with their moms end up synchronizing their REM sleep cycles, which means she's more likely to treat night as sleep time and day as waking time. And of course, keep things dark and quiet at night. Nurse her when she wakes, and change her if you must (not all babies are sensitive enough to require changes at night), but don't make it into playtime.

6. Take a long maternity leave, so you can nap when your baby naps during the day.

This is the golden rule. Forget the shower, who cares? Go for the nap.

7. If your partner can take the baby in the morning to let you sleep in for an hour, it can make all the difference in the world.

Don't feel guilty about it. Eight hours of sleep with interruptions to feed your baby is not the same as the eight hours you used to get. You need lots more now.

8. Go to bed early.

When you were pregnant you did it. Don't feel bad about it, this is not the time to resume an active evening life. You have the rest of your life to stay up late.

9. Encourage sleep associations that your baby can control.

As your infant gets a bit older -- say three months -- you can begin encouraging her to learn to fall asleep without sucking or being held. This is a gradual, gentle process. Here's a whole article on how to encourage good sleep habits as your baby grows.

Breast or Bottle?

Research shows unequivocally that breastfed babies are healthier and smarter, and that the longer babies are nursed, the healthier and smarter they are. Because the nursing mother experiences hormonal changes that influence how she perceives and relates to her infant, many experts feel that the mother who nurses bonds more strongly with her baby, resulting in a better relationship over time.

1. PLAN to nurse.

Not "If it works out." But "I will do this." And you will. There are lots of times in history when infant formula wasn't available, as, for instance, in London during World War 2. Records show that every mom who gave birth during that time was able to breastfeed her baby successfully -- because there was no alternative.

2. Be Prepared.

The classic nursing hold is to cradle your baby's head in the crook of your arm, turn her whole body to face you so you're belly to belly, and move her to your breast so she can "latch on." That means she needs to be at the level of your breast, which means on a pillow, not on your lap. Many nursing moms say that a good nursing pillow, the kind with the circular cut-out for your belly, is hugely better than an ordinary pillow, which slides around and isn't necessarily the right height or firmness. You don't need most of what they sell for baby (I didn't use changing tables or cribs, for instance, or strollers in the early months), but a nursing pillow is a smart purchase.

3. Know Your Technique.

Good basic technique can tremendously lessen sore nipples, prevent clugged ducts and mastitis, and make the difference in whether breastfeeding works or not. A few helpful rules:

• Be sure your baby opens his mouth wide and gets not only the nipple, but most of the aerola in. This stimulates the full milk let-down as well as preventing sore nipples. Can't get him to open wide enough? Trigger the "rooting reflex" by tickling his mouth or cheek with your nipple.
• Be sure your baby is facing you so he doesn't have to turn his head to nurse.
• Be sure your baby is at breast level so you don't have to hunch over. You can relax better, insuring better milk let-down, and you don't get a sore back and neck.
• Don't know if he's in the correct position? His tongue should be slightly visible between his lower lip and your breast. If not, dis-engage him, tickle his cheek so he opens his mouth wide, and and let him latch on again.
• To save your nipples, dis-engage by inserting your finger at the side of his mouth and breaking the suction so he pops off. (Usually he will fall asleep nursing and the breast will fall out of his slack mouth, that is also fine.)
• Change holds and rotate the baby's position from feeding to feeding. This better drains the breasts and avoids clogged ducts, as well as protecting the nipples from soreness. For example, use the football hold (Baby's feet pointing behind you, hold his head in your hand) or try nursing lying down (prop yourself well with pillows, and if necessary put a folded blanket under baby so neither of you strains).
• Be sure you drink LOTS of water. Just drink water constantly.
• Change your bra daily so any leaked milk (even tiny amounts) doesn't cause a breast infection.
• Wait to introduce a pacifier or bottle until nursing is well-established.

4. Get a good start.

We don't grow up watching moms and aunts nurse their babies, and it isn't second nature to us, so sometimes it isn't as easy to get started nursing as we expect. It's easy to get unbearably sore nipples in the very beginning, or for the baby to have a hard time latching on. And very occasionally, babies are born with a challenge, such as being tongue-tied, which requires a quick snip under their tongue by a doctor.

While you're pregnant, arrange lactation support for that first week. It's a good idea to call your local La Leche chapter in advance just to have a couple of breastfeeding consultants' names handy. Such an expert often makes all the difference in the world. It is absolutely not worth the anxiety of muddling through when one session with an expert can put you and your baby on track.

5. Cultivate family support.

Make sure your partner understands your reasons for choosing to breastfeed. A little education goes a long way to overcome prejudices. Most men, with their wife's encouragement, find breastfeeding a miraculous act, especially once they understand how important it is for their baby. Your partner's support will be critical to your success.

6. Pick a pediatrician who supports breastfeeding.

Virtually all new breastfeeders worry about whether their child is getting enough milk. Most pediatricians are nursing advocates. Get him or her to help you as much as possible.

7. Remind yourself of all the advantages to you.

No middle of the night fixing of bottles. No sterilizing of bottles. No formula expenses. No formula allergies. As much ice cream as you want to eat, while the pregnancy pounds melt away. Diminished chance of breast cancer later. A delay in how soon your period resumes. Pride in the amazing ability of your womanly body.

8. Find other Moms who are breastfeeding to hang out with

...through La Leche or other groups. It makes all the difference in the world.

9. Resist the impulse to supplement with formula.

If you want your baby to take a bottle, pump your milk and have your partner offer it in a bottle once nursing is well established. (Don't wait too long or your baby may turn up her nose at this fakery!) Remember that the answer to too little milk is always to increase the demand by more nursing and/or pumping. Supplementing with formula -- even in an attempt to be sure your baby gets enough -- ALWAYS decreases your milk supply. If your baby needs more food, feed her more often!

10. Take a six month maternity leave

...if at all possible. Then, when you return to work, your child will be ready to supplement his morning and evening feedings with solid food during the day.

11. Relax. Enjoy. And don't be in a hurry to wean.

Don’t worry, she won’t be nursing in high school.

"Well, since you brought it up, when should I plan to wean? When I go back to work?"

 

Many studies confirm that breast milk changes in nutritional value to remain appropriate for babies as they grow into toddlers, maintaining its many health benefits. The National Association of Pediatricians recommends breastfeeding at least until age one, preferably longer. The average age of weaning around the world is four years old. So you might want to plan to nurse for at least a year, maybe two or three. (I'm biased here, I nursed both my kids till they were three. And I was back at work, in both cases, well before they weaned, but not for the first six months.)

So why do most mothers bottlefeed or, at best, wean in the first year?

 

Cultural pressures certainly influence many women. If no one around you is nursing a baby, it may be hard to envision yourself nursing. If your own husband -- or even complete strangers -- begin to chastise you for nursing an eleven month old who is learning to walk, you will probably begin to feel uncomfortable nursing, especially if you don't have support to continue.

But for most mothers, even those convinced of the benefits of nursing for their child, going back to work means the beginning of the end of breastfeeding. Most maternity leaves in this country are disgracefully short, averaging 6 weeks at 2/3 pay compared to an average of a year at full pay in most European countries. Fully half of all American women are not entitled to ANY paid maternity leave!

"Well, I do have to go back to work. What can I do?"

 

Wait as long as you can, so breast-feeding is well-established. By six months, your baby can supplement with solid food while you're gone. Remember that any reduction in demand will reduce your supply, so nurse her as much as you can when you're together, and pump at work.

Breastfeeding Baby Refuses Bottle

QUESTION:

I'm trying to get my 3-month-old son to take a bottle for when I have to go out, and he absolutely refuses. I've tried every different nipple on the market, and he just won't drink from them - even when it's my breast milk. How can I get him to do this so that I can leave my son with his dad, or anybody for that matter, without worrying that he is screaming because he's so hungry?

Name Withheld

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JAN'S REPLY:

I understand your concerns - in fact I remember when I had this same question years ago. I'll try to give you the information that helped me to better understand and to meet my son's needs.

It can be worrisome for loving parents to think that their baby may be in a situation in which an important need such as hunger cannot be satisfied. However, a bottle is not a good solution. Many babies will suck only from one or the other, breast or bottle. One reason for this is that the sucking method is, surprisingly, quite different. A baby who is breastfeeding successfully can become confused by something that requires a different sucking method. But I would not recommend that you teach him how to drink from a bottle, even if you could do so. If he were to successfully learn to suck from a bottle nipple (or a pacifier), that could bring about what is termed "nipple confusion" and interfere with his ability to nurse properly. As there are literally hundreds of benefits of breastfeeding, both physical and emotional, for both baby and mother, anything at all that might interfere with this extremely beneficial relationship should be avoided.

Your son has good survival instincts! While his resistance to bottles may be frustrating for you, your baby is strongly communicating his legitimate need to be with you as much as possible. Bottles, even when filled with breastmilk, cannot satisfy a baby's emotional need for the mother's presence. For the early months and years, it is essential that he have full opportunity to bond first with his mother - only then can he successfully move on to bonded relationships with his father and, later, with other persons.

Breastfeeding, beyond all of its many physical benefits, has the added bonus of requiring the mother's presence. A baby has no sense of time and no way of knowing that an absent mother will ever return, yet he understands that her presence is essential. Thus her absence can be quite terrifying. For this reason, it is imperative to keep absences to the barest minimum (in terms of length of time and number of times), and if it is absolutely essential to leave him, try to be gone as short a time as possible, and to schedule things so that you are gone between feedings, or during naps, rather than during a time when he is apt to be hungry.

If a separation is absolutely unavoidable during a time when he is hungry, perhaps he will accept expressed breastmilk from a spoon. In a relatively short time, he will be able to drink from a cup. However, I offer these suggestions reluctantly and definitely not as a routine solution, but only as something that might be used in a rare, emergency situation. It would be far better to avoid separations as much as possible, and to carefully schedule any departures that cannot be avoided. In fact I urge you to make every effort to avoid such departures altogether if possible. Not only do alternate feeding methods interfere with his ability to nurse from you, but more significantly, all separations can interfere to some degree with his developing sense of trust and security.

I would like to stress an important practical consideration that is often overlooked. Sometimes parents assume that a baby will not be welcome or appropriate in a certain situation, when in fact they may be pleasantly surprised if they ask to bring the baby along. Many parents have had the frustrating discovery of attending a function without their baby or child, only to find that others have brought theirs along. If a mother must attend a function where babies are definitely not allowed, she can ask that the baby be brought to her for nursing breaks. Requests like this can even help others in society to become more aware of the critical importance of breastfeeding and bonding. With such a request - even if it is denied - a mother can contribute to the process of social change. In many countries of the world, babies and children are far more welcome in "adult" settings than in North America. It is time to request and advocate change in this area!

It is not only the baby who finds separation difficult. Breastfeeding mothers quite naturally find that they also become uneasy when separated from their baby. The following is excerpted from the La Leche League book, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (New York: Penguin Books, 1991):

"You won't want to leave your baby any more than you have to because babies need their mothers. It's a need that is as basic and intense as his need for food. 'That's all well and good,' you may be thinking, 'but what about me? I have needs too.' Of course a mother has needs, and sometimes other responsibilities and obligations cause a mother to be away from her baby more than she wants to be. But you may be surprised to find how strong the bond is that develops between you and your baby. A mother often finds that when she does leave her baby for that long-awaited 'night out', she worries so much about how the baby is getting along that she doesn't really enjoy the occasion!"

I also recommend Dr. Kimmel's short book, Whatever Happened to Mother?, which explores the nature and importance of mother-child bonding.

Author,

Jan Hunt

Babies want to speak as early as 7 months

Babies usually start speaking by their first birthday. But new research suggests talking to your baby stimulates his brain well before she utters those first words.

For the study, published Monday in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the authors compared how 7- and 11-month-old babies from English-speaking families processed sounds from English and Spanish.

Researchers at the University of Washington looked at 57 babies who were 7, 11 and 12 months old. The babies sat in an egg-shaped, noninvasive brain scanner that measures brain activation and listened to speech sounds played over a loudspeaker.

The researchers examined patterns of brain activation in areas of the brain that analyze sound, as well as areas that plan the motor movements required to produce speech.

At 7 months, infants responded equally to sounds from both English and Spanish.

“Babies are citizens of the world,” Dr. Patricia Kuhl, the lead researcher on the study, said. “They’re not committed to any language or any languages. They’re just open.”

At 11 months, however, the infants saw greater activation of the motor areas in the brain for English sounds. Kuhl said this suggests that as infants’ brains develop further, they focus in on sounds familiar to them.

“What we believe is happening is that the babies are dying to talk back,” Kuhl said. “It means that babies even at an early age are practicing and rehearsing and activating brains in a social way so that when we serve something to them, they’re attempting to volley back.”

These findings reinforce the importance of talking to your baby, instead of just plopping him or her in front of the television.

“When [babies] look at the TV set, they seem interested but their brains don’t learn,” Kuhl said. “Babies recognize and can distinguish the sounds only if they heard live speakers present to them – only if they were interacting socially.”

Dr. Gordon Ramsay, director of the spoken communication laboratory at the Marcus Autism Center in Atlanta, said multiple elements are at play when infants learn how to speak.

“The message for parents is that speech acquisition in infancy is built upon a scaffold of sensory experience, motor activity and social interaction,” Ramsay said. “All these components need to come together in the natural resonant coupling between child, caregiver and environment if every child is to progress along the path to spoken language.”

However, Ramsay says the study should have followed the same babies through the course of their development, rather than examining different 7-month-olds and 11- and 12-month-olds.

“Because developmental timing is so important, and there is so much variability and delay within children, it’s really important to do longitudinal studies,” Ramsay said.

Babies should be breastfed exclusively for 6 months

Breast milk is nature’s perfect food for babies.

Think about it: mother nature has had more than 2.5 million years to figure this one out.  Breast milk contains the perfect mix of fat, protein and carbohydrate for the babies developing physiology.  It contains protective substances that give her immunity to diseases.

In the early stages of a baby’s life, breast milk meets all of her nutrient needs.  No other foods or fluids – including water – are necessary.  (Breast milk itself is 88% water, which more than satisfies an infant’s thirst).

A report called Infant and Young Child Feeding issues by the World Health Organization summarized research indicating that infants should be breasted exclusively for the first 6 months of their lives.  

Babies exclusively breastfed for 6 months have 8.6 times lower risk of diarrheal illness.  A study from India found that deaths from diarrhea and pneumonia could be decreased by one-third if infants were exclusively (rather than partially) breastfed for the first 4 months.  Sadly, only 35% of infants are exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months of life.

Breastfeeding also confers intermediate- and long-term benefits on both the child and the mother, including helping to protect children against a variety of acute and chronic disorders.

Infants not breastfed are between 6 and 10 times more likely not to survive the first months of life.  Formula-fed infants also have increased risk of long-term diseases with an immunological basis, such as asthma, type 1 diabetes, celiac disease, Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis and childhood leukemia.

Other studies suggest that obesity, high blood pressure and heart disease are more common later in life in kids not breastfed, and that kids that are formula-fed on average have cognitive scores 3 points lower than those breastfed.

Breastfeeding should continue (with solid food) for at least two years

In the same WHO report mentioned above, the authors recommended that breastfeeding continue along with the introduction of solid foods (i.e. “complementary feeding”) for at least 23 months (two years).  This is the minimum period required to adequately nourish the growing baby.  Some parents may wish to continue breastfeeding beyond this point.

At six months of age, the increased energy needs of the infant start to exceed the energy provided by breast milk, so that’s the time to begin to introduce foods.  It is not okay to continue to breastfeed exclusively at this point.  At the same time, breastfeeding should still continue on-demand throughout the complementary feeding period (up to 2 years of age).  Breast milk continues to provide higher quality nutrients than complementary foods, and also protective factors that guard against childhood illness and reduce the risk of chronic diseases later in life.

The WHO recommends that breast milk provide at least 50 percent of calories for a child between 6 and 12 months of age, and one-third of calories between 12 and 24 months of age.

Is it Safe to Breastfeed When the Mother has Cold or Fever?

Do you have cold and fever? Is it safe to breastfeed with fever?

Are you a breastfeeding mother with fever and worried about getting your baby sick too?

Are you in dilemma whether or not to continue breastfeeding while suffering from cold and/or fever?

safe to breastfeeding when mother has cold

Sit back and stop worrying.

This article will answer all your questions whether can you breastfeed with fever!

Should I continue breastfeeding if I have fever or cold?

Yes you should continue breastfeeding even if you have common illness like sore throat, cough, cold, or fever.

Most of the common diseases are less likely to be passed to your baby through breast milk. Close body contact can be a reason to pass on the disease, but the antibodies in your breast milk most of the time protects your kid from getting an infection from you.

7 reasons why it is safe to breastfeed even if you have fever or cold:

It is fine and best to continue breastfeeding in cold and fever conditions and in majority of the infections for the well being of you and your baby.

#1. Better immunity

In fact, you are infected few days before you start showing symptoms and thus your baby is exposed to your illness before you show illness. Hence it is recommended to breast feed as breast milk transfers antibodies (the proteins synthesized in our body against the foreign particles, here, against fever and cold viruses) to your baby and help boosting his or her immunity levels.

If you continue breastfeeding, your baby is unlikely to develop illness or in case if he/ she develops illness, the effect of it would be mild. You can also read about the benefits of breastfeeding you might not be aware of.

#2. Helps your baby to stay hydrated

Chances are your baby is also already infected. In case of even mild illness, your baby he/ she would most likely nurse rather than eating anything else. Thus, it is breastfeeding, which keeps your baby well hydrated.

Keeping your baby well hydrated also increases his/her chances of getting higher amounts of protection from your illness.

#3. Easily digestible nutrients

Breast milk is easily digested by your baby than any other food or even milk. So to provide your baby essential nutrients that can be absorbed faster, breastfeeding is essential.


#4. Provide comfort to you and your baby

Studies reveal that breastfeeding relaxes your body and keeps you free from depression as it triggers release of oxytocin hormone. Thus continuing breastfeeding will help you to be stress free and increase your comfort level.

#5. Helps to keep the breast milk supply normal

If you stop breastfeeding temporarily just because you have fever/cold, it can cause a decrease in your breast milk supply. So once you recover from your illness you can have a problem of low milk supply, which can in turn affect your baby.

#6. No early weaning

Sometimes if you decide to stop breastfeeding temporarily because of your fever or common cold, chances are there that your baby may not accept your breastfeeds after you recover from your illness. This can lead to early weaning and this can affect you and your baby.

#7. No risk of mastitis

Stopping breastfeeding all of a sudden can cause milk to build up in your breast and can cause inflammation and later infection in the breast. So continuing to breastfeed even if you have minor illness like fever, sore throat, cold or cough is good to reduce the risk of mastitis.

When not to breastfeed your baby?

Knowing all these benefits of breastfeeding, it is always good to continue breastfeeding even when having fever while nursing.

But there are certain conditions when you have to stop breastfeeding your baby. In conditions like septicemia (blood poisoning), HIV, or if you are undergoing chemotherapy for cancer treatment you should stop breastfeeding.

Also if you are under any medication for depression, anxiety, sleep problems etc. talk to your doctor to know if you have to stop or continue breastfeeding.

If you have highly contagious diseases like swine flu, untreated or active TB etc. which are not transferred through breast milk but is contagious through other means, you can talk to your doctor and decide whether to breastfeed directly or let your baby have your expressed milk given by an uninfected person.

If for any reason you have to stop breastfeeding temporarily, then make sure you express your milk at regular interval and discard that to prevent yourself from mastitis.

Precautions and tips for breastfeeding while having cold or fever:

Generally the common fever and cold subsides itself without taking any medicines. If your illness lasts for more than three days, you should consult a doctor and start medication prescribed by your doctor.

You should not forget to mention to your doctor that you are breastfeeding as there are many medicines, which may cause harmful effects to your baby as compounds in medicines transfer to your baby through breast milk.

With precautions taken in medication, you should also see that you take following measures:

Wash your hands frequently with soap or sanitize hands using sanitizing gel

Cover your mouth and nose while sneezing

Eat healthy, stay hydrated. As the milk production decrease during sickness, staying well hydrated will keep you to maintain the milk production after recovery

Maintain hygiene and do not kiss your baby while you are ill

If you take all these precautions, breastfeeding is the real blessing you can give to your baby to prevent him/ her getting contracted from your illness.

Breastfeeding is 100% effective and safe vaccination for many diseases

Author,

Riddhi Nath

How To Help Your FOMO Baby Sleep

FOMO. Is that acronym new to you? Up until about a year ago, it was new to me, too. I’d never heard of FOMO (or Fear Of Missing Out) until a friend told me that she was afflicted with it. She was constantly on social media, checking in with her friends and catching up on the latest news.

But here’s something interesting – did you know your baby can have FOMO, too? It’s true; some babies just can’t seem to settle in and fall asleep, for fear that they’ll miss out on all the action!

Now, by this point in the article, your eyes may be widening as it dawns on you: “OMG, MY baby has FOMO!” And you may be right; if your baby shows most of the common FOMO symptoms, then you’ve got a FOMO baby on your hands, baby! 

6 Signs Your Baby Has FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

1. FOMO babies don’t find soothing activities very soothing. Other babies may be soothed by nursing, rocking, or patting – but not a FOMO baby!
2. FOMO babies flip over new places and people. If you think your FOMO baby’s sleep is bad, try taking her to her grandparents’ house. I guarantee it’ll get worse! A new location means tons of new things for your baby to observe and take in, and that means shortened (or non-existent) sleep.
3. FOMO babies eat actively. Hoping to nurse your baby in public, under a cover? Forget about it! Your FOMO baby won’t allow that for a minute. Trying to get your baby to hold still and focus on drinking her whole bottle? Nope! Your baby is too busy observing the world/people around her.
4. FOMO babies aren’t great at the whole “drowsy” thing. We talk a lot about “drowsy, but awake” on this blog, and in our one-on-one work with families; that’s because it’s a great way to gradually teach your baby how to fall asleep without your help. But FOMO babies don’t exactly do drowsy. In fact, FOMO babies often don’t show any tired signs until they’re already overtired – and then the sign is usually screaming.
5. FOMO babies tend to resist bedtime and nap time routines. Bedtime routines and nap time routines are designed to signal to your baby that it’s time to relax and fall asleep. Your FOMO baby gets that; the trouble is, she doesn’t want to relax and fall asleep. So she’ll fight even your best efforts at a relaxing, soothing routine.
6. A FOMO baby’s sleep is elusive – and it doesn’t last long. Many parents have told us it takes hours to put their FOMO babies to bed, and that even after sleep finally comes, it’s light.

How To Help Your FOMO Baby Sleep

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? How do you help your FOMO baby sleep? Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet that’ll fix this problem for you. Remember, this is part of your baby’s temperament. There’s no changing it! (Take comfort, though, in the fact that the really tough effects of FOMO will lessen as your baby grows.) Simply accept that your baby won’t be one of those “easy” sleepers who just falls asleep effortlessly and slides right in to a perfect eating and sleeping schedule, and you’ll save yourself a lot of wasted effort and frustration.

That doesn’t mean, however, that you have to live with a sleepless, overtired child in your home. There ARE steps you can take to help your FOMO child lengthen his naps and sleep longer at night:

• Be consistent and persistent. FOMO children thrive with consistency (as do so many others!), so be sure to keep sleep and feeding schedules as consistent as you can. Even if your baby isn’t ready for a clock-based schedule, you can still work towards consistent sleep/feeding cycles. Additionally, you’ll need to be persistent with your child’s sleep. FOMO children are themselves very persistent when it comes to resisting sleep, so you’ll have to “out-persistent” your persistent child in this arena.
• Make your child’s sleeping area as boring as possible. Many parents of FOMO babies and toddlers report that it’s only when their children are confined to bed, with nothing to see or hear or do, that they will finally fall asleep. You can achieve this kind of boring, sleep-inducing ambiance with black-out blinds and a white noise machine.
• Sleep coach, but be ready for it to take awhile (and for some fussing to be involved). If your baby’s sleep-fighting has reached the point that you’re both exhausted, then it may be time to take action and sleep coach. Sleep coaching is a great way to help your baby learn healthy sleep habits! Just be advised that sleep coaching may take longer if your baby suffers from FOMO; what takes other parents two weeks may take you four (or maybe even six). Additionally, keep in mind that your FOMO baby’s persistent nature means that there will likely be at least a little bit of fussing involved with sleep coaching.

Sleep Help For Your FOMO Baby or Toddler

Getting your FOMO baby or toddler to sleep well can feel like a monumental task. Fortunately, we can help! Connect with one of our expert consultants today; she’ll craft a Personalized Sleep Plan™ just for your baby, walk you through every step of sleep coaching and schedule-making, and provide detailed answers to your most pressing sleep training questions.